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Previously on All Stars: The ladies designed lewks for a country cookout, darlin’. Shea Couleé helped everybody with their garment making, but Miz Cracker emerged victorious. Blair St. Clair refused to admit defeat after landing in the bottom. And Alexis Mateo, still reeling from India Ferrah‘s betrayal, was tragically sent home.

Back in the werk room, Miz Cracker admits she was grateful not to win the lip-sync against legend and goddess Roxxxy Andrews, because she felt awkward about her lipstick choice. Of course, everyone immediately bristles thinking she made a controversial choice… but it turns out she just picked plain ol’ Alexis Mateo too.

Let’s get all the weapons out of the room because I think Blair might use one.

Cracker clarifies she didn’t feel Blair deserved to go home, regardless of their personal scuffles in the past. She’s shown she still has that fire and drive in her that Alexis did sort of let go of a little bit.

As it turns out, everyone voted for Alexis to go home. Shea Couleé admits that while she did think Blair deserved to stay, part of her wanted to get Alexis out in order to protect herself in case India Ferrah’s conspiracy theory did end up being true.

We’re at the top four and India’s actions are still having an effect on the storyline. Werk, bitch.

This season, All Stars isn’t ending with the top four––we’re doing one more challenge before the finale and trimming the group down to a top three! For this challenge, the girls will be putting on a stand-up comedy routine for a live audience. And as last week’s winner, Miz Cracker gets to decide the order the dolls will be going on. The wheels immediately start turning in the Wafer queen’s head.

SEEECRET PLAAAAAN

The girls sit down to start writing ideas for jokes before Cracker has to make up her mind. Shea Couleé is feeling very nervous, admitting in her confessional that she’s not much of a witty comedian.

Shea? Insecure about something? Say it ain’t so!

Shea isn’t the only gal who’s sweating bullets right now. Blair St. Clair has been a lot wittier this season than a lot of people expected, but she’s still aware of the stakes here. As the only girl left who hasn’t won a single challenge this season (or in Season 10 either!!), Blair knows if she doesn’t pull off a win with this one, she’ll be in serious trouble when the time comes for the lipstick voting later. For Blair right now, this challenge is Game of Thrones: you win or you die.

No pressure!

It’s time for Cracker to reveal the stand-up challenge order. Most queens will usually tiptoe around this part in order to avoid making too many enemies, but Cracker has decided she’s going to be 100% transparent with the ladies. She tells Jujubee she’s making her go first because it might fuck her up. Blair is going after Juju because Juju is really funny, so that should be a challenge for Blair. Then Cracker gets to follow that with her great act, and lastly, Shea gets the unfortunate task of closing out the show.

“Okay then”

I guess I should give Cracker props for actually being upfront about this and saying exactly what she’s thinking. But my goodness, that was cutthroat. The queens are all left reeling from the candor of that conversation.

“The Last Supper”, circa 2019.

The queens have the privilege of running their jokes and outlines by Ross Mathews and legendary comedienne Jane Krakowski! Jujubee runs a few of her quips past Ross and Jane first, and Jane immediately gets Juju’s sense of humor: it’s not the typical ha-ha knee-slapper material. Jujubee’s humor is very cerebral, and though it does make for fantastic television, Jane worries these jokes may not work very well for stand-up.

Wise gal.

In a way, Cracker gets similar feedback from Ross and Jane in that she’s being too cerebral. Not her jokes, but her thought process. As per usual with Cracker, she tends to get in her head––and the turning-wheels look rarely makes for an entertaining performance. The judges encourage her to just let go and have fun.

Easier said than done, girl.

The next morning, the girls are getting ready for the challenge and discuss how they’re feeling about their run-through with Ross and Jane. Shea Couleé in particular admits she’s horribly nervous––to the point where her stomach is a mess and she keeps burping left and right. Ew, Michelle. Her material didn’t make the judges laugh much, so she’s has to redo her whole routine. She’s actually trying to pull a Jasmine Masters with a “just because of that gown, you’re safe as fuck” moment.

It’s strange seeing Shea this freaked out.

Cracker’s choices come up again. Boosted by her successful run-through with the judges, Blair tells Cracker she thinks Cracker is underestimating her. Blair is a threat… says Blair.

That is a whoooooole lotta confidence.

Ru’s Lewk Ruview:

I’m loving the “rich trophy wife at her husband’s law firm’s cocktail party” vibes. It’s a great lewk, an unusual wig style for Ru, and those curves are everything, mawma.

Let’s do this stand-up shindig!

Jujubee has quite a few excellent jokes, but there’s a lot of silence that she has to pad at the beginning, which doesn’t work out too well. Unfortunately, though Juju does nail most of her humor, Cracker’s choice to make her go first did fuck her over.

Blair St. Clair may have gotten a little too confident. Most of her jokes don’t end up landing at all. It doesn’t help that she’s essentially reading them off of her tiny notebook and with her giant nails, she spends roughly 45 minutes flipping each page. It’s a train wreck.

Cracker’s calculations were perfect. Going after Blair’s mess of a performance would’ve been easy regardless, but she also managed to follow Ross and Jane’s advice. She seems like she’s having the best time. Cracker commands the stage start to finish and makes it look effortless. Yas queen!

If Shea Couleé was horribly nervous, you can’t tell from her performance. Her jokes aren’t complete knee-slappers, but they’re still quite good. She holds her own, even in last place after Cracker’s great skit. And that lewk IS everything.

This week on Untucked, we get to see what the queens get up to between the challenge and the runway! Blair St. Clair tries to recover from her failure while the girls get into their runway lewks. Miz Cracker is going as Death herself, reflecting how she’s felt in the year prior to coming on All Stars. She’s gone through a lot––her partner being in the hospital, her mother going blind, a flood ruining her things…

Where did all these sob stories come from and why didn’t we hear about them before?!

Now for the runway. Category is “Freak Out”: Club Kid fantasy!

Jujubee looks incredible in this crazy multicolored houndstooth creation. She’s got spikes on her head, chain links trailing on the floor off her arms, ten-inch heels (!!) and a beautiful broken heart pattern that’s held together by a pair of safety pins. It’s pretty amazing.

Blair St. Clair’s lewk is like if the Cheshire Cat had a love child with one of the 101 Dalmatians (or maybe more than one, actually). It’s pretty wild, though I feel there’s a bit too much going on. Also, please pull your mask over your nose, Karen, thank you.

Miz Cracker comes out on the runway in this insane Renaissance plague doctor lewk, then tears it away to reveal this gorgeous ghastly woman with crazy long hair––Death, according to her. It tells a great story.

Shea Couleé is wearing something that RuPaul herself might’ve realistically been seen in during her Club Kid days, so in a way, this outfit is actually historically accurate! But for Shea Couleé, this feels a tad basic. Her Sasha Velour rose petal lewk honestly felt more Club Kid than this one does.

The critiques are in: Juju had a poor start but made up for it in the end (and looks great), Shea did well, and Cracker killed it through and through. Blair sadly crashed and burned.

“Fuck me in the rake with a pussy mom”

Miz Cracker is the week’s winner! That’s three whole challenge wins!

Yay Cracks!

Back in the werk room, the girls go over the difficult decision they’re about to make. Blair St. Clair announces she doesn’t think this should be about challenge wins, but more about personal growth.

“Awright sis”

The girls are in a terrible position. After everyone has voted, Jujubee takes Shea to the side to vent about the whole situation. She picked Blair’s lipstick, and feels absolutely awful for picking her. But this is the game and there’s not much to be done about it. The two of them tearfully comfort each other.

Just two sad freaks crying against a wall.

This week’s lip-sync assassin (and presumably the last one) is… Kennedy Davenport!

She done crystallized!

The lip-sync song is “Fancy” by Reba McEntire. And like, I know the gays love Reba and it’s a great banger for like, I don’t know, driving down the highway or whatever it is people who listen to country do… but this is NOT a lip-sync song. That becomes painfully obvious when the entire performance consists of Cracker and Kennedy walking around, twirling their dresses, and desperately trying to keep up with the thousands of lyrics in this tune.

Y’all brought Kennedy Davenport here for this shit?

Kennedy does her best with the song, but this is really more Cracker’s domain. And despite a wardrobe malfunction halfway through, Cracks does do better with the number.

Cover your panties though, Miss Thing!

So Miz Cracker’s the winner. And she’s chosen…

As expected.

Going into this season, I looked at the cast and honestly thought Blair St. Clair would be one of the first to go home. I still saw her as the nervous little girl she was on Season 10. But as Blair has said herself, her growth since her original season has been exponential. She’s accomplished so much, and to go from a halfway decent mid-season run in Season 10 to motherfucking top four on All Stars, without any riggery… It’s incredible. Blair is a damn superstar.

Also, her new album “Identity” is now available on iTunes! Wink wink!

But before the queens can dance it out for this week, RuPaul gets a call on a good ol’ rotary phone from an unknown source. It sounds like someone is convincing––even forcing––Ru to have something special happen next week during the finale. Dun dun dunnnn…

And the Emmy goes to…

… But we’re not gonna get to find out what’s going on this week, and neither are the queens.

RUDE

Here’s our top three, ladies!

Jujubee – Juju has done so well this season, delivering humor, good TV, and surprisingly decent lewks. Though she’s only gotten a single challenge win, she still feels totally deserving of the crown. Now, can she snatch it away from the other two queens with more wins? Next week will be crucial for her.

Miz Cracker – Cracker has actually pushed way past Shea and Jujubee in terms of track record. If we only looked at report cards, the win should be hers. But in my mind, Cracker is missing that je-ne-sais-quoi the other two girls have. A Cracker win would be well-deserved, yes. But would it feel right? I’m not sure, honestly.

Shea Couleé – The show’s done a great job at making Shea doubt herself and giving her just an okay track record throughout the season. This season hasn’t felt like the Shea Couleé show, which everyone thought it would be at first. But does that mean Shea won’t be winning? I still think the crown belongs to her, despite Cracker’s superior record. I guess we’ll see soon enough!

Next week, we wrap up this crazy journey. Hope you’re packed!

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