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Previously on All Stars: The ladies competed in a terribly rigged improv challenge where they were given very little room for actual improvisation. Shea Couleé did her best to work with Alexis Mateo after finding out she and Mayhem Miller voted to send her home in the previous week. Miz Cracker slayed the challenge and co-won the lip-sync. And Mayhem was sent packing by both the group vote and Cracker.

The queens regroup to go over the elimination. As it turns out, like with Ongina, the decision to send Mayhem home was unanimous. Even Mayhem voted for herself.

Sis. SIS.

Shea is rightfully pissed about queens giving up. There are hundreds of queens who would literally murder to have this chance––for a contestant to just drop it and go home feels like a slap in the face to all those girls.

The ladies review track records so far. Miz Cracker, Jujubee, and Shea Couleé have been doing great with one win each, and Blair St. Clair and Alexis Mateo are right behind them with very consistent performances. But India Ferrah is trailing far behind. India knows this is her last chance to stand out, and she plans on doing whatever she can to make that happen.

I can’t wait to see how this turns out.

This week, it’s finally happening: we’re playing the Snatch Game!… of Love. You know, that weird dating version like they did on All Stars 4.

Cracker OUT

Jujubee plans on playing Eartha Kitt for Snatch Game. It’s worth nothing Ms. Kitt has already been done on Snatch Game TWICE: by Chi Chi DeVayne and by Valentina. It’s a pretty crazy risk to be doing the character a third time, but Jujubee is confident she’ll be able to bring something new to the role.

“Awright gurl”

RuPaul comes around for his bi-annual performance of “Make Me Laugh” featuring “But How Are You Going to Make It Funny?” It’s a lot of making the contestants nervous as hell about their impersonations and making them reconsider a lot of their life choices. Blair St. Clair is planning on doing Ellen DeGeneres and she fails to make Ru laugh, which is bad news. Ru tells her she should consider a plan B.

“Kill me now”

On to the Snatch Game of Love!

Miz Cracker is playing a Lady Gaga, mostly focusing on Gaga’s “A Star is Born” era. She looks the part, but taking most of her inspiration from the movie is a mistake in my opinion; that’s Gaga at her most tame! Cracker could’ve mixed it up and thrown in some classic references like her crazy interview segments. It’s an unfortunate miss.

Alexis Mateo is playing famous astrologer and gay icon Walter Mercado. She completely looks the part, has a bunch of divination-inspired jokes, and effortlessly keeps up with RuPaul, guest judge Tommy Dorfman, and her fellow contestants. It’s a great performance that saves this rather poor first half from being absolutely terrible.

India Ferrah is taking a risk by playing YouTube makeup guru and certified horrible person Jeffree Star. The look is eerily accurate, but the performance is sadly quite lacking in comedic pep, as we’ve now come to expect from India. This queen’s definitely more about the lewks.

Starting us off in the second half is Blair St. Clair, who is sticking to Ellen DeGeneres despite her poor review with Ru. The look and mannerisms are super on point, but Blair sadly doesn’t land a lot of her jokes, especially alongside the other two (much stronger) performances in this group.

Jujubee does a fantastic job as Eartha Kitt, nailing the voice and attitude and combining those with some seriously funny responses to questions. Her most amazing answer, about keeping guest judge Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman warm at night: “I would sensually walk to the thermostat and turn up the thermostat to a sensible 74.”

Shea Couleé as a gayer Flavor Flav is delightfully kooky, full of bling, and a wild comedic ride start to finish. She keeps the laughs coming the entire time. Shea fully disappears into her character––she’s that good.

Honorable mention: Ru and Jeffrey’s delightful romantic banter, carried over from All Stars 3’s wonderful “The Bitchelor” challenge. C’mon, continuity!

Ru’s Lewk Ruview:

Biiiiiiitch. This is a SERVE AND A HALF. The gorgeously coordinated paint splatters. The flawless wig. The way the gown just glides along as Ru’s walking. It’s a shoot!

This week on the runway: “Prom Queen Fantasy.” A moment of silence for all the high schoolers who didn’t get a prom this year.

Miz Cracker’s taking a risk with this objectively ugly lewk for the theme. The dress is so ugly it hurts, she’s done her nose makeup in quite an unflattering way, and she’s added a bunch of acne breakouts all over her face and body. It tells a story, but boy is it unpleasant to look at.

Alexis Mateo looks gorgeous in this fluffy quinceañera-inspired gown with a slit in the side all the way up to her damn waist. It’s traditional but it’s fierce, and the hair is perfect.

India Ferrah’s lewk honestly strays quite a long distance away from “Prom Queen,” but it’s a gorgeous outfit and a surprising redo of the Season 3 look she was wearing during the infamous “Drag is not a contact sport” moment. She paid a whole six hundred dollars for that breastplate, goddammit! The hair and makeup are super fierce.

Blair St. Clair looks fan-fucking-tastic in this genderbent prom king AND queen lewk. The color combo is stunning, the bedazzled hair and eye makeup are a showstopper, and get this…

THERE’S A CROWN UNDER HER HAT. I’m in love.

Jujubee is giving us a fabulous throwback with this quintessential ’80s lewk. The crimped hair, the giant corsage, the fluffy dress, it all tells the perfect story. This is actually a great look for Juju––Miss Thing is getting better in the aesthetics department!

Oh, y’all thought Blair won this runway? No bitch. Shea Couleé has pulled out this mind-blowing reimagining of the classic “Carrie” blood bucket moment––but with rose petals pouring out of a crown, a brilliant (and tragic) callback to her shocking lip-sync loss to Sasha Velour‘s rose petal reveal. This ho better not lose the crown a second time, that’s all I’m gonna say.

Now for some juicy critiques. Cracker was in her head again and it wasn’t a good look. India and Blair didn’t do great at all. Jujubee, Alexis, and Shea killed it. RuPaul tells Cracker to stop being in her head and “let go and let God,” then tells Blair about how she and her husband like to imitate this sexy shiver-and-shush thing Blair did on the runway on Season 10.

Who is this RuPaul and how do we get more of her?!

Holding back tears, Shea Couleé explains the inspiration behind her look. Beyond Sasha Velour’s rose petal reveal, she talks about how everyone at meet and greets for years would come up to her and do the same reveal as a joke––basically just rubbing it in.

Okay who did this? I just wanna talk.

But it’s okay, because Shea Couleé is the top All Star of the week! We love a good full circle moment. But wait, there’s a twist: from now on, if you’re not the top All Star… you’re in the motherfucking bottom.

“I’m gonna key your car”

Back in the werk room, the girls take a second to recover from this change in the rules. Shea decides to put everything on the table and ask Alexis, who tried to get rid of Shea once, why she shouldn’t pick her lipstick to guarantee her own safety. Alexis answers frankly that she had to pick Shea because she couldn’t do that to the other two queens in the bottom that night––but that Shea needs to ask herself if she wants to be the kind of girl who eliminates queens based on grudges.

Smart gal.

India Ferrah takes Shea aside, though, to deliver the gag of the season: That week when Shea was in the bottom, Alexis and Mayhem Miller secretly came to India to ask her to pick Shea’s lipstick.

Giiirrllllllllll

Shea is shooketh by this news, but she determines the best course of action is to bring it to the whole group. Shocked, Alexis denies that there was ever a “campaign” to get rid of Shea, telling India she’s a liar and apparently isn’t a friend at all.

What. Is. Happening!

Overwhelmed, Alexis walks away for a minute and is joined by Jujubee, who asks her who’s lying. Alexis swears she’s telling the truth.

The CINEMATOGRAPHY

The show isn’t going to roll the tapes on what actually happened, but it does roll the tapes on an hour before Snatch Game, where Alexis was coaching a nervous India on what to say as Jeffree Star. She was helping her!

She backstabbed her behind her back!

Alexis sits down with Shea to hash it out, tearfully telling her she did not lie but she thinks India is. Meanwhile, the other queens interrogate India about the facts of the story. If there had been a campaign to eliminate Shea, wouldn’t Mariah Paris Balenciaga have voted for Shea instead of India that week? India tells the other girls she doesn’t have the answers, but needed to get the truth off her chesticles.

Where is the truth!!

When it comes time to vote, a few of the girls hesitate, like Jujubee, not knowing who to pick. But Alexis marches straight to the booth, grabs India’s lipstick and throws it in the box, telling the camera “You’re a liar and this is why Derrick don’t like you.”

Someone call the police! There’s been a murder!!

Finally, the girls return to the main stage, where the lip-sync assassin turns out to be Vanessa Vanjie Mateo!

Vanjie!!

Alexis Mateo immediately gets emotional seeing her drag daughter on stage when she’s in such a precarious position.

My feels!

The lip-sync song is “Open Your Heart” by Madonna. Miss Vanjie does a good job, bringing plenty of energy to her performance. But her lewk involves sleeves that are strapped to her body, so after she takes them off 20 seconds into the song, they just get to hang there the whole time. Awks.

Miss Couleé, on the other hand, looks fantastic in this Chicago-esque lewk, feels the fantasy, and delivers splits and kicks and all that good stuff. She did not come to play, sis.

So Shea wins! And the lipstick she grabbed was…

Gasp!

That’s that for India Ferrah. The gal started with a fantastic Rudemption on the first episode, then unfortunately failed to keep up with the other girls. But despite all her times in the bottom, Miss Ferrah got plenty of time to let the world fall in love with her––for maybe the first time ever. And she made it halfway through All Stars! She should be real proud of what she’s accomplished.

Brava, lady.

Five queens remain! No more filler now, bitches!

Miz Cracker – Cracker went from a win to a clear bottom two placement this week even though five queens were officially in the bottom. It’s a tough break, and she should consider herself very lucky that the India and Alexis drama took over deliberations, because if not for that, there was a chance she could’ve been voted out by some of the girls who don’t like her as much.

Alexis Mateo – I got so nervous for Mama Mateo this week. Campaign or no campaign, she did really well in the Snatch Game and came very close to being sent home super unfairly. I’m glad Shea made the decision to take the high road and follow track records, because I’m not ready to say goodbye to this endless source of TV gold.

Blair St. Clair – I was really hoping this would be Blair’s week to finally come out of the safe middle-ground and be a winner, but she tanked, sadly. I worry this was Blair’s last chance to do well and establish herself as a frontrunner rather than just a safe girl. It may be too late for her now.

Jujubee – Juju at this point looks like the clear top 2 alongside Shea Couleé thanks to her excellent challenge performances, and her lewks have improved too. I’m still waiting for her to really wow me on the runway, but she’s got a great shot at the crown.

Shea Couleé – Poor Shea was put in a very difficult position this week with CampaignGate, but the fact remains that she did an excellent job at the Snatch Game. And that runway look was incredible. Shea is well on the path to winning this whole thing, which is what we’re all waiting for her to do. Make it happen, girl!

See y’all next time!

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