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Previously on Drag Race: Season 12 started off with two separate premieres, splitting the queens into two groups––one of which was much better than the other. Widow Von’Du and Jaida Essence Hall were the winners of their respective premieres.

The two groups finally meet and come together. At last, all of the bitches are in the same episode! Right away, they start discussing the premieres, establishing the top two of each group, and asking about any drama the ladies may have had. Jaida Essence Hall admits there’s been a lil tension on their end, but when the first group is asked, they all pretend everything’s rosy.

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“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

Widow Von’Du, Nicky Doll, and Jackie Cox are all in agreement: they’re not going to air out their dirty laundry in front of their new competition. They’re much better off putting out a strong, united front. Because duh.

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Secret plaaaan!

The next morning, RuPaul comes in to reveal this week’s mini-challenge. Each of the top two queens of the past weeks gets to put the queens from the other group in order, from who they think is their top competition to the weakest link.

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The shade.

Widow goes first and places Aiden Zhane at the end of the group.

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Ouch.

As for Jaida, she puts Heidi N Closet at the bottom of the other group.

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Big mistake. Huge.

Plot twist: This week’s four team captains are Widow, Jaida, Aiden, and Heidi!

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Revenge.

This episode’s maxi-challenge is “World’s Worst,” an improv parody of American Idol featuring aspiring stars with no talent whatsoever. Each of the team captains pick their partners, until there’s only one left: Rock M. Sakura. She handles it like a champ, though.

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You go, girl.

The girls start to prepare for their challenge. Aiden Zhane’s group is given a piece of instruction: the full group is supposed to always speak at the same time because they “share a brain.”

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What kinda tomfoolery…

Aiden suggests that maybe they should try to break that mold and have one of the girls not be quite as in sync with the other two, for comedic effect. But Brita, a proud New York performer, thinks Aiden is dumb as rocks and won’t listen to any of her suggestions.

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Okay werk.

Meanwhile, Jaida Essence Hall’s team is playing a group of LGBT fruits (who writes this shit?). Jaida immediately zones in on the “bad apple” character, but Rock M. requests to have the role because she’d like an opportunity to stand out. Jaida ain’t having none of that––Rock M. will play the nice orange and she will like it.

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Rough day for Rock M.

Speaking of questionable role assignments, Nicky Doll is uncomfortable being given the “sexy girl” character because it feels a little too obvious. She’d like to have more of a comedic role to offset being a look queen, but that ain’t happening this week.

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Merde alors.

The “World’s Worst” challenge starts with a judging panel consisting of Ross Mathews, Charro, and most importantly, Ornacia!

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Hey mawma!

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The first team features Heidi N Closet and Jackie Cox as old lady performers, propping up their sister Gigi Goode who seems to have died of a heart attack halfway through their audition. Heidi and Jackie both do an excellent job. Gigi’s acting while she’s awake is excellent, but it’s a strange choice to have her be unconscious for most of the number.

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Widow Von’Du is killing it as the slutty drunk girl scout of the gang, but her teammates Nicky Doll and Crystal Methyd are both struggling with the improv. A lot.

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Three fourths of the “Fruity Patooties” group are solid. Rock M. Sakura and Jan are killing it as the overexcited fruits and Jaida really nails the clown shtick as the group’s “bad apple.” Dahlia Sin, however, is concerned with looking gorgeous the entire time and kinda forgets she’s supposed to be doing comedy.

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Womp womp.

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Aiden Zhane’s group has to spend the entire number saying the same thing at the same time, so it’s pretty boring. But the judges eat it up, so… party. Also, Aiden still does sort of keep up the “slower than the others” idea she devised and it works, so go Aiden.

The next day, nothing really fascinating happens during makeup time so let’s get to the main stage!

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Damn, girl.

Category is: Buttons and bows!

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Jaida Essence Hall is giving Barbie realness. The look is cute, though the dress is a tad simple under that crazy jacket. The wig is a serve though.

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Dahlia Sin looks cute in this bunny rabbit confection, though the hair and makeup leave a little to be desired.

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Rock M. Sakura is telling a story. She’s half Alice in Wonderland, half Rapunzel. The look is cute, fun, and entertaining. Toot.

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Jan is really showing versatility with this horrific/gorgeous voodoo doll lewk. It’s incredibly clever, so well-made, just top-notch. Brava.

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Heidi N Closet is killing it with this spot-on Pinocchio getup, elongated nose included. It’s cute, it’s sparkly, it’s smart. Ugh, her mind.

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Get this: Gigi Goode is wearing 25,000 buttons right now. TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND. This is a freaking moment. Soak it in.

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Jackie Cox is living her Mary Poppins fantasy in this bright, classic Londonite look. It’s smart, it’s shiny, it just works. I’ll have that spoonful of sugar now, ma’am.

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Widow Von’Du is trying to take advantage of the legend that states that queens who wear clown outfits on the runway tend to win their season. This Bozo look is clever, it’s detailed, and she sells it nicely. Her face is a bit busy, though.

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Crystal Methyd went with the doll look as well, which is really cute. I like the color combo with the red and the hot pink, and her makeup meshes well with it.

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So much Disney on the runway this week, I love it! Nicky Doll is wearing this super well-made Cinderella lewk, complete with measuring tape, needle and thread, and a little mouse helper. And that hat made of hair, girl? Talent.

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Okay, I’m sorry, Aiden Zhane’s look is terrible. It’s so incredibly basic. And we’ve seen that wig like six times now, girl! Get a grip.

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Brita is pulling out the same Barbie look a lot of the other girls did. I like the buttons holding the bottom half of her skirt. Otherwise, it doesn’t really feel that original.

Widow, Jaida, Jan, Rock M, Gigi, Aiden, and Brita are safe.

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Jan being safe again is a crime against humanity.

Heidi and Jackie killed it, but Dahlia, Crystal, and Nicky were totally lost in the crowd. Michelle Visage and Ross Mathews attack Crystal’s over-exaggerated makeup. Crystal tearfully admits she has trouble putting herself out there and the makeup helps her feel safe.

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Poor sweetheart.

RuPaul and guest judge Olivia Munn give her some great advice: just be yourself and bring your unique energy to everything you do, and the makeup won’t even matter.

But also, like… this is Crystal’s style. Leave her alone.

The verdict is in: Heidi N Closet is the week’s winner!

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At least in my French Vanilla Fantasy she is.

Jackie and Crystal are safe, so the bottom two are Dahlia Sin and Nicky Doll. They must lip-sync to Ariana Grande‘s “Problem.” Dahlia makes an interesting choice by lip-syncing straight to the camera the entire time instead of looking at Ru and the judges, which is super disturbing.

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Stop it, you’re being weird!

Nicky Doll isn’t being weird and also has a wig reveal. And… you know… she’s just better.

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Stun.

It’s a bit of a low-energy lip-sync, but Nicky Doll gets to stay. Dahlia, totally gutted, storms out without a word.

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The level of unprofessionalism…

Dahlia Sin is a gorgeous, gorgeous queen, and I’m sure she could’ve brought some super cute lewks to the runway if she’d stuck around longer. But the poor thing is wildly insecure and needs more time to bake as a queen and as a person. You could just tell she was not ready for this. I’m sure some day in the future, though, she’ll be a star.

Our first run-down of the full cast!

Jaida Essence Hall – Jaida is absolutely still the frontrunner in my mind. She’s so gorgeous, so witty, so confident. The crown is hers to lose.

Rock M. Sakura – Rock M. did well this week despite feeling insecure about her character. She’s a very entertaining gal with a lot of creativity. But it remains to be seen whether she’ll be able to measure up to all these strong queens.

Jan – I get the sense the producers are trying to give Jan the delusional “Thorgy Thor” edit, which is so unfair because she is talented as fuck. She needs to be celebrated for the incredible serves she’s been pulling so far. That runway look, safe? Ridiculous.

Heidi N Closet – I knew Heidi was going to be the personality of the season, and I’m so glad I was right. She is such a character, and I’m happy the judges think so too. Now if they would just stop telling her to change her name. It’s a fun name! Let her keep it.

Gigi Goode – Gigi’s runway look this week was mind-blowing. Her acting performance was a strange choice, but she did do great at the parts of it that she actually spent awake. She’s still got a ticket straight to the finals in my book.

Jackie Cox – Jackie’s a strong performer and her runway looks are a delight. She’s got a very tailored brand and style, which I like a lot, and I think that bright mind of hers is going to carry her far.

Widow Von’Du – Widow is still killing it, surprising all of her naysayers. This week she proved she’s a great actress as well as a great dancer and lip-syncer. This one is a powerhouse, and I’m excited to see what she does next.

Crystal Methyd – The judges really don’t like Crystal’s makeup, which is always a bad sign. Girls with shticky makeup tend not to make it very far. I hope she’s able to switch it up a little for the sake of appeasing them so she can stick around longer.

Nicky Doll – Poor Nicky hasn’t done very well so far. The language barrier is really getting in her way and it’s caused her to place low for the second time in a row. I hope she can pull herself together and really show what she’s got to offer, because I know she’s talented as fuck.

Aiden Zhane – Aiden’s being given an underestimated underdog storyline, but it’s hard to tell whether the other queens are actually right about her… or if we’re about to see her fully slay in a week or two. Either way, she really needs to change up her wig, girl.

Brita – Brita talks a very big game for someone who so far has just been decent. I’m still waiting to be wowed by her. She’s supposed to be legendary, so… I’ll be waiting. Any time, darling.

That’s all for this week, hunties. Tune in again next time!

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