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Previously on All Stars: The eliminated queens came back to fight for a chance to return to the competition. Valentina was gooped to find out both the previous week’s winners had intended to send her home. And Latrice Royale clawed her padded ass back into the race while Monique Heart remained fierce enough to avoid being sent home.

The seven queens (Seven!! How are there still seven queens on episode seven?!) get back to the werk room and celebrate everyone’s victories. Latrice is very happy to be back, and she makes that abundantly clear.

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Monique has some thoughts.

Valentina, meanwhile, announces she is determined to prove Monét X Change and Manila Luzon wrong and solidify her place in this race.

Everybody laughs at her.

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Okay werk

The next morning, Mawma RuPaul comes in and introduces the week’s challenge: a club-designing competition. The queens need to design a club, visually and conceptually, and then be glamorous, entertainting hosts for their guests.

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No biggie.

As the returning queen, Latrice gets to pick the teams. She pairs up Monét X Change with Monique Heart, Valentina with Naomi Smalls, and then teams up with Manila Luzon and Trinity The Tuck.

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She got some good taste.

Valentina and Naomi sit down to plan their club. They’re throwing ideas around about a “modern-day disco” vibe and an understated sexual thing, but Valentina is so deep into her “French Vanilla Fantasy,” as she calls it, that Naomi is having trouble keeping up.

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“Bitch what the fuck are you on”

Monét and Monique are stepping outside the box and going for a sciencey, space-themed extravaganza with test tubes and black holes and an alien baby in a box.

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Fifth grade science fair project realness.

Meanwhile, Trinity suggests a bee theme based on this one yellow and black dress she brought and feels like wearing tonight.

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It’s Trinity’s world and we’re all just living in it.

It’s all fun and games on the surface, but in her confessional, Trinity admits she’s concerned about having Latrice on her team. Latrice has been kind of a ball and chain lately and Trin is not about to let her drag them down.

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Bloop.

The queens start to paint and decorate their clubs, and Monique Heart has no idea how to paint a wall (it’s okay girl, me neither). Monét tells her to go up and down because that’s what Jesus would do, but Monique wants to go left and right. The whole thing is comedy gold.

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God bless those two.

Meanwhile, Naomi is desperately trying to scrounge up some more entertaining/hosting ideas while they put their club together physically. Multitasking fish. Valentina, though, is focused on making her wall paint job look as fabulous as possible and isn’t really listening to whatever Naomi is saying.

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Oh she mad y’all.

The ladies wrap things up and get to doing their makeup. Naomi is asked how she feels about working with Valentina and she not-so-subtly tells everyone she’s been basically carrying the team. Everyone is like “oooooo shade mama house down boots” but Valentina fully agrees and thanks Naomi for doing the majority of the work and saving them from a disaster.

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Emotional maturity realness.

It’s time for the club presentations! Monique Heart and Monét X Change are up first with The Black Hole. Their space theme is beautiful, it’s fun, it’s different, they actually managed to get themselves some kind of creepy alien baby in a box, and they’re killing the entertainment section. I mean, duh. It’s Monét and Monique.

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I love my Season 10 Sisterhood.

Naomi Smalls and Valentina’s Club 96 definitely feels like it’s on some type of drugs, mawma. Naomi and Tina are playing these vapid models who keep saying the craziest shit. It’s super entertaining in that “French Vanilla Fantasy” kind of way, but the judges look a little bored, which is not awesome. They do get points for the crazy ASMR “Club 96” whisper they keep repeating though.

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The one on the right is what I think I look like at 2 AM at the club while the one on the left is how drunk and insane I actually look.

Trinity The Tuck, Latrice Royale, and Manila Luzon have gone all out with the bee theme. I probably would not ever set foot in there (although a honey-based cocktail sounds real good), but they sell the thing with a plethora of bee-related puns. And I love me some good dad jokes, so it’s all Gucci. However, I spot Latrice doing the whole “over it” thing again after some of Manila’s jokes, and really, girl, again with the stank face?

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Sure, yeah, keep doing the “over it” thing, that worked for you in the Snatch Game. And the Jersey challenge.

With that out of the way, let’s get ourselves over to that main stage!

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Weave: snatched.

Category is: “Plastique Fantastique,” a plastic-themed runway eleganza.

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Latrice Royale is going with latex (which is plastic-adjacent, I guess?) in this looney club kid fantasy number. It’s very different from her usual looks this season, so for that alone, it’s a win. Good job.

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Manila Luzon’s lewk is an ode to cellophane, which is the most Manila thing I’ve ever seen. Her whole dress is basically made out of the material, and she has a fruit basket on her head. Issa toot, Mary.

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Trinity The Tuck is wearing, essentially, the underside of a high school classroom table. It’s conceptual and a very nice monochrome design, but I’m not a fan of the hair. Those boots, though. I can has?

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Naomi Smalls is doing Naomi Smalls to a T. ’90s supermodel chic, colorful neon realness. It’s nothing outstanding, but it works very nicely.

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Valentina is giving us Miss Venezuela Barbie, with the plastic arms, the rigid pose, the giant creepy smile, and the smooth coochie-coo. It’s quintessential Valentina, it’s perfect, it’s beautiful, it looks like Linda Evangelista, I’m in love.

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Monét X Change is a semi-armored, semi-dressed up, fully fabulous futuristic superheroine with Marie Antoinette hair. It’s gorgeous. Love it.

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Monique Heart’s lewk is a futuristic tribute to Josephine Baker. It’s cute, but it’s not great either. She can definitely do better.

Now for some critiques. Latrice is praised to hell and back. Trinity and Manila also get good critiques, though Manila is told not to talk over people so much. Naomi and Valentina didn’t do super awesome with their club. Oops. Monique’s runway look isn’t very well-received, but her and Monét’s club was amazing.

Latrice Royale and Trinity The Tuck are this week’s top two.

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Fuck Manila and Monét’s drag, right?

Manila, Monét, and Monique are safe. So Naomi Smalls and Valentina are the bottom two.

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“Fuck”

The queens get back to the werk room, where Trinity and Latrice both praise Manila for doing most of the behind-the-scenes work on their club and helping come up with the visual identity for the whole thing.

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Alexis Michelle realness.

Latrice and Trinity each have chats with the bottom girls. It quickly becomes obvious that Naomi is heading into this elimination the way she’s been going through this whole season so far: as an underdog. Trinity loves Valentina and wants to keep the Season 9 Sisterhood alive, while Latrice has a special bond with Valentina and fully believes in her Latina Goddess brand of magic. Naomi is just… Naomi.

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She looks damn good though.

Realizing the track records and this week’s performances are stacked against her, though, Valentina finally drops the French Vanilla Fantasy and shows some emotion and vulnerability, fearing for her spot in the competition as she struggles to find reasons to defend herself. The confident facade comes apart.

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Miz Cracker found dead.

The lip-sync song is “You Spin Me Round” by Dead or Alive. Werk.

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Latrice Royale is doing a decent job, taking the song and doing a nice, classic rendition of it. It’s just fine.

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But Trinity The Tuck has done this old lady in a pussycat wig and robe thing with the most insane of reveals. She looks monstrous and hilarious. It’s a hoot and a half.

Latrice wins.

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McScuse me, bitch?!

Rigga morris, gurl. But okay. Sure.

Latrice tearfully reveals which queen she’s sending home.

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Fuck.

As beautiful, mesmerizing, and entertaining as Valentina has been this season, it’s her time to go. But girl, the rest of the season will suffer without her in it. I’m sure she’ll go on to do bigger and better things, because she’s already a winner.

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Shine bright, superstar.

Now for that good ol’ run-down!

Latrice Royale – I’m being very harsh with Latrice. But this is her third time doing Drag Race, whether she wants to acknowledge All Stars 1 or not, and she is just plain mediocre at this point. I do not think she deserved any of her wins this week and I absolutely believe production is pushing for her to win, no matter the cost. I disapprove.

Manila Luzon – Now THIS is a worthy winner who is working hard for that crown. I would support a Manila win in a heartbeat. Ms. Luzon is a force to be reckoned with.

Trinity The Tuck – I don’t know why the judges didn’t get Trinity’s lip-sync. It’s campy, it’s silly, it’s funny, it’s everything they’ve said time and again that they love about her. The judging was weird this week.

Naomi Smalls – Naomi has finally been getting some more screen time, and she’s been using it to show that she does not yet deserve to go home. Yes, she’s been consistently safe, but she’s still fighting hard to stay. You betta werk.

Monét X Change – Monét keeps surprising me with her runway lewks. Her challenge performances were always good, even in Season 10, but she’s really improved on her aesthetic and that could actually get her much closer to the crown.

Monique Heart – When you look at everyone’s performances throughout the competition, Monique has not really had any real, utter failures. Even the weeks she was in the bottom, she was not that bad. That speaks to how well she’s been doing. Miss Brown Cow Stunning is here to stay—at least I hope she is.

That is all, womens and gentlemens! Bye!

 

 

 

 

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