Previously on All Stars: Valentina didn’t love Farrah Moan, and she sent her home too. Monique Heart made the controversial decision to send The Dearly Beloved, Latrice Royale, packing. And after two queens won the lip-sync for your legacy, RuPaul decided no one was going home after all.
But lo and behold… the eliminated gals are back! The tension quickly goes away (for a moment, at least) as the queens reunite.
A couple of the ladies, though, are not that happy to see everyone back.
Literally less than five minutes into the episode (“Previously” segment included), Farrah Moan is crying.
The lip-sync finally comes up, and Naomi Smalls asks Manila Luzon and Monét X Change whose lipstick they both picked. Turns out… they both chose Valentina.
Valentina is very quiet and subdued in the moment, as Manila and Monét reveal their lipsticks, but in her confessional, bitch is fuming.
Moving on to a different story, Latrice Royale jumps in accusing Monique Heart of being “disingenuous” when sending her home. Latrice thinks Monique chose to save her friend, Monét, rather than be honest about track records.
Monique defends herself, saying she definitely chose to save Monét because she’d been doing better than Latrice, point blank brown cow stunning.
Monique also points out that this is Latrice’s third time on Drag Race, and she should be miles ahead of everyone else with this much experience in the game. But Latrice shoots back that All Stars 1 didn’t count because it was a mess.
Speaking of drama, though, can we put all that aside for a minute and talk about how stunning Gia Gunn looks?
The following day, Ru comes in to finally clarify what the deal is with the returning queens situation. This week’s challenge is a “Lip-sync LaLaPaRuZa,” a one-on-one lip-sync bracket where each eliminated queen gets to challenge a current All Star to a battle—and if she wins, the eliminated queen returns to the competish and sends her opponent packing.
However, Manila Luzon and Monét X Change, who won last week’s challenge, are fully immune to being picked. They don’t even have to compete this week! Gag.
As the queens start getting ready (and attempt to get over the gaggerini of this week’s challenge), Valentina does the mature thing and approaches Farrah Moan to try and smooth things over between them. Farrah asks Valentina if she genuinely thought Farrah was the worst on the week she was eliminated, and Valentina says yes without hesitation. Oof.
Valentina gives Farrah space to process things. She meant well, for sure, but Farrah is way too bitter to think about forgiving the gal right now.
The other queens discuss what the lip-sync pair-ups might look like. Latrice Royale is most likely going to pick Monique Heart. She’s been saying she’s not mad and this isn’t personal… But who the fuck are we kidding.
Gia Gunn checks in on Naomi Smalls, who admits she’s a lil bit nervous about this week. But Naomi is good at hiding her nervousness, and Gia admires that confidence. The two of them have a sweet moment together.
Meanwhile, Monét X Change and Manila Luzon get to sit there, live their best lives, and enjoy the view.
The category tonight is “LaLaPaRuZa Eleganza,” which is just a crazy way of saying “the queens are wearing whatever they plan to lip-sync in.”
Miss Jasmine Masters is wearing this simple catsuit. It’s cute and the hair is hot, but she’s not padded nearly enough in my opinion. That ass looks tiny, girl!
Farrah Moan looks damn gorgeous in this ribbony flamingo thing. It’s gorgeous. I said that already. That’s all that comes to mind, sorry.
Gia Gunn is serving high-ponytailed, naughty schoolgirl realness. It’s real cute. The only unfortunate thing is the shimmery gold dress she’s hiding underneath is showing out the bottom of her skirt, so it ruins her incoming reveal a little bit.
Latrice Royale’s look is very turcoaahs, very old-school drag, it’s very shimmery and colorful and … I hate it. Sorry.
Manila Luzon is serving Mary Poppins at a picnic in the park, having a yummy ol’ plate of spaghetti and meatballs. It’s campy, it’s funny, it’s classic Manila. She is radiant.
It took me a minute to recognize Miss Monét X Change. She’s pulled out this beautiful pageant gown with long flowy hair. It’s very unlike her, and it’s very pretty.
That wasn’t shade, I swear!
Monique Heart is also stepping out of her comfort zone with this big hair lewk. She’s serving ruffles, tassels, sequinces, and her mug is beat. Toot.
Naomi Smalls is giving 150% tonight with this incredible supermodel-chic look. It’s very Naomi, and that body is terrifying. In a good way!
Trinity The Tuck is wearing a big-ass cloak that covers her whole body, in a very obvious attempt at pulling a reveal during her lip-sync later. In the meantime, though, as a standalone runway look, this is boring as fuck. Boo.
Valentina looks fucking stunning, because when does she not? She’s serving sparkly catsuit, and she is padded for the gawds. This is how you give ass in a catsuit, Jasmine.
With the girls all back on the main stage, Ru tells Manila and Monét they’re both safe thanks to their win last week. But she still makes them wait a second before confirming that, just to make them sweat a bit.
As for the others… Jasmine Masters goes first, but she was the last queen allowed to pick a lipstick, so she got stuck with the girl no one dares challenge to a lip-sync battle.
Now, for each lip-sync, the challenged queen gets to pick a box, held by one of the hot, hot, HOT Pit Crew boys, each containing a RuPaul song.
Trinity picks box number three, containing “Peanut Butter.” This gon’ be good.
Trinity opens her cloak immediately as the song opens, which… not the best sense of timing, girl.
Queen Jush cannot (oh, at all) match Trinity’s impressive booty shaking, so she resorts to hairography instead, which is pretty fun.
The winner, unsurprisingly, is Trinity. Jasmine Masters sashays away.
Next up: Farrah Moan.
Valentina picks box number one from the Pit Crew, which contains “Kitty Girl.” Yas.
Farrah Moan actually looks pretty fierce, and her dance moves really work, but her super long hair keeps getting caught in her face.
Valentina is not only doing a great job with the song’s energy, but she throws in just the right amount of camp comedy to knock it out of the park.
Farrah Moan is this lip-sync’s loser. But she takes it graciously, telling Valentina she loves her as she exits.
Gia Gunn is next, and she chose Naomi Smalls.
Which means that Latrice, who got to pick first, chose her archenemy Monique Heart, who gets to stand there in the corner with her for the next five minutes.
Naomi goes for box number four, containing “Adrenaline.” This about to get crazy.
Gia rips her outfit off to reveal this amazing lewk and twirls that hair, mawma.
Meanwhile, Naomi is doing all these incredible supermodel poses and bends backward way past what seems physically possible.
Maybe it’s the fact that there was no way Ru was gonna send Valentina or Trinity home and this is a much closer call, maybe it’s the fact that both of these girls are turnting it out, but this lip-sync is amazing. They both do a fantastic job. But sadly, only Naomi gets to stay.
With that, it’s time for the final showdown.
The last remaining Pit Crew member, Wilson, brings out the last song. It’s “Sissy That Walk.” WERK.
Latrice Royale has a wig reveal, then does a split and some sort of back-and-forth hair rocking move that’s pretty hilarious, whether it’s meant to be or not.
Meanwhile, Monique ALSO has a wig reveal, and it’s a stunner. Oh, and she pulls out a fan too!
The winner is… Latrice.
Latrice is back in the race. And Monique…
ALSO STAYS! Girl immediately hits the floor in shock.
For the second week in a row, no one is going home! Latrice gets to stay and no one is leaving!
Either there is a double elimination coming up, or this season is gonna be extra long, girl. And I’m okay with that.
How about a run-down?
Latrice Royale – I used to love Latrice, but I’m getting a little tired of her, honestly. I hope she does something incredible, and soon, because it definitely feels like the show is just keeping her around for the sake of it.
Manila Luzon – Manila didn’t have to do anything this week, but she still brought a killer lewk to the runway. This gal is in it to win it, and I think I’d be okay if she did.
Monét X Change – Monét would probably have done well in this challenge even if she hadn’t had immunity, since lip-syncing is definitely a strength of hers. Now let’s see how she does in the coming weeks.
Monique Heart – I am very glad Ru saved Monique, because she has made such an incredible comeback this season. The glo-up from season 9 has been fierce. I’m thinking there’s even a chance she could fight her way to the top four.
Naomi Smalls – Naomi got a little more screentime this week and a chance to finally shine for real, which will hopefully make the show acknowledge her more going forward. She’s been so good.
Trinity The Tuck – Trinity’s cloak thing was a serious misstep, and she’s lucky she was lip-syncing against Jasmine to a song that was well-suited to her. She’s been great, though, so hopefully she gets back on that winning streak soon.
Valentina – Val would’ve been one of the returning eliminated queens this week if it hadn’t been for Ru, so she needs to seriously step her pussy up if she doesn’t want to be sent home for real next time. She’s so entertaining in everything she does, I really hope she stays.
That’s all, queens! Bye for now! Love ya!