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Previously on All Stars: Monique Heart emerged as a winner, baby. Valentina got the keys to her own little world and officially moved in. And Latrice Royale got complacent and was sent home for not doing enough.

The queens return to discuss this crazy turn of events. Monique Heart made a tough choice to send Latrice home and save Monét X Change, who had arguably been doing better. Manila Luzon is a tearful wreck over being unable to save her friend.

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The drama of it all.

Naomi Smalls asks Manila whose lipstick she chose, and the answer is pretty obvious:

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Dun dun dunnn.

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Oh oh oh oh okay.

Monét plays it cool, but she’s pretty pissed. How dare this ho want to eliminate her when she’s clearly been doing better? Manila has solidified her place in this competition as a total unpredictable wild card, and everyone else is officially scurred.

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It’s Manila Vs. The World now. Game on, bitch.

The next morning, RuPaul comes in wearing a butterfly suit.

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Asia O’Hara found dead.

This week’s maxi-challenge is a funeral roast for Ru’s legendary friend, Lady Bunny. The gals are tasked with putting together some good ol’ comedy routines for the queen’s fake death. And as last week’s winner, Monique Heart gets to pick the order in which the queens will perform.

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No pressure!

Monique thinks it over for a minute, then picks the order. The much-dreaded last turn goes to… Manila Luzon.

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Awright.

Ru returns to visit the queens and give them some personal advice. Valentina is nervous about her comedy, since she’s not much of a “ha-ha” kind of gal. Ru gives her the strangest advice ever: “The wheel has already been invented. So do your wheel.”

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“What”

Manila Luzon, on the other hand, is ready. She makes Ru cackle like no other in the werk room, to Monique’s great concern.

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Gooped.

The next morning, the queens are getting ready for the challenge. They discuss the elimination process, and what they plan on doing this time. Manila’s choices come up, and she explains herself. She says the choice between Monét and Latrice was a very difficult one, and that she just couldn’t bring herself to send her friend home. Monét is slightly appeased.

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Slightly.

That said, Manila insists she plans on applying her own rules to the lipstick decisions going forward. Trinity The Tuck is a bit worried.

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Girl…

On to the main stage! Ru is looking damn good.

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Yas, wig!

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Michelle Visage looks real cute too.

The roast gets started, with Lady Bunny herself lying in an open casket, just waiting for some reads.

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Monét X Change is up first. She looks cute, her jokes are sharp, it’s a very solid act. That’s not easy to do with the first spot, so yay Monét.

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Trinity The Tuck’s look is fun, but unfortunately, none of her jokes land. It’s all very awkward. She even stumbles on a sentence and has to start over. “With a glo—with a glo—with a glory hole” realness.

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Yikes.

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Monique is doing this gospel-y church lady act, preaching with this raspy sing-song voice about how Lady Bunny is a whale. It’s a great act, and a significant departure from her usual type of character. Brava.

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Naomi Smalls looks gorge, but like Trinity, none of her reads land. Plus, as Monét points out, she keeps cackling at her own jokes even though no one else is. Awks.

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Abomination!

Valentina takes off her shades and her eyes aren’t done. Eek. She tries to pass it off as a joke but it’s super awkward. Then most of her jokes flop as well. Sadface.

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Manila Luzon comes out with this super-polished outfit and gorgeous mourning parasol. Then she gets creative and pulls out a “last will and testicle,” which allows her to read all the other queens along with Bunny. It’s plain genius.

Finally, Lady Bunny wakes up, doing a little roast of her own as revenge. She ends it with an amazing tribute to Miss Vanjie as she reclines into her coffin again.

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Queen.

Now for the runway! Category is: “Angelic white.”

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Monét X Change is giving us this crazy curvaceous, iconoclastic lewk with a double reveal and creepy/gorgeous red eyes. She’s padded for the gawds, too. Amazing.

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Trinity The Tuck is serving angelic valkyrie goddess fantasy. It’s gorgeous, it looks expensive, and she is twirling the house down with it.

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Monique Heart looks super pretty too with this ’20s-inspired headpiece and handmade dress. You can tell a lot of effort went into the construction of this outfit, and it pays off.

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WERK

Naomi Smalls is turning it OUT with this amazing Prince tribute look. It is spot on, and she even has the guitar to go with it. Girl, she is Purple Reigning. (Yep, I said that.)

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Valentina is wearing this extremely elaborate feathered gown. As always for Valentina, it’s very pretty, though I prefer her with longer hair.

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Manila Luzon looks super gorgeous, though her lewk unfortunately is very similar to Trinity’s. And Trinity ends up looking a little bit better, even though Manila is still flawless.

The verdict is in: Monét X Change turned the party this week, start to finish, and so did Manila Luzon. Trinity and Naomi look amazing but did very poorly in the challenge. Monique wasn’t the best, but she still did great. Valentina admits, on the main stage, that she actually ran out of time to do her eyes before the maxi-challenge.

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Girl…

Monét X Change and Manila Luzon are the top two!

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When it’s right, it’s right.

Then comes this crazy bombshell: the other four queens are all in the bottom and eligible for elimination.

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“Holy fuck”

FOUR BOTTOMS! Sounds like my Friday night honey.

The queens ruturn for deliberations, knowing they have a hell of a decision ahead of them. Everyone starts comparing “report cards”: Monique has been in the top twice and the bottom twice, Trinity has been in the top twice and the bottom once, Naomi has been nothing but safe… and then comes Valentina, who vehemently disagrees with her bottom placements of this week and of her first time around, too.

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“Here we go again Jesus”

Manila asks Trinity The Tuck what she thinks the choice should be tonight. Trinity, without hesitation, throws Valentina under the bus, saying she’s statistically done the worst out of the bottom four and she’s the obvious choice.

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R.I.P. Season 9 Sisterhood.

But Manila has another idea. Since she has the opportunity, why not get rid of the biggest competition—Trinity herself?

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The wild card strikes again!

Valentina doesn’t seem to realize the precariousness of her situation. She’s totally calm, and is telling Manila how she looks forward to being in the top four with her.

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Sounds like someone’s been using a bit too much of Jinkx Monsoon’s perfume.

The lip-sync song of the week is “Jump To It” by Aretha Franklin. It’s a fun song and both queens are fully feeling their scat fantasy. (Not that kind of scat! Nasty.)

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Exhibit A.

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Exhibit B!

The winner is… Manila Luzon.

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Serving Natalia Imbruglia realness.

And… Monét X Change wins too!!

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WHAT

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“Oh shit”

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“Oh shit”

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“Oh shit”

As the bottom four come up to the stage, Manila and Monét are reeling with the realization of what’s about to happen. Two winners equals two lipsticks, which means they could be about to send two girls home right now.

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“Oh sweet Jesus”

But then, Ru interrupts. No one is going home.

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Gunning for that third consecutive Emmy!

And THEN she says… “All Star rules are suspended until further notice.”

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GIRL WHAT

The queens return to the werk room, confused at fuck, and find a mirror message saying “Get ready to lip-sync for your life.” Gay gasp.

And then… THERE’S MORE.

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Monique running right out of the room is a fucking mood.

Lady Bunny tells the queens to turn around… and lo and behold…

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THE GAG. OF THE MOTHERFUCKING. SEASON.

The eliminated queens are baaaaaack!

Shit’s about to get extra gaggy, y’all.

Run-down, anyone?

Monét X Change – I gave Monét a pretty tight expiration date a couple weeks ago, but she’s surprised me. She’s been doing really damn well, and she really proved that she deserved to be saved over Latrice Royale last week.

Trinity The Tuck – Trinity had her first stumble this week, and it was a pretty big one. Who knows, maybe Manila actually had her lipstick in her tiddy. Hopefully, Trinity picks herself up and does better going forward.

Monique Heart – Monique may have been in the bottom this week, but she really was only put there for the gag effect. It’s not super fair, because she had a great week. She’s had a great couple of weeks, in fact. The two weaker links, in my mind, out of these six (Monét and Monique) have really outdone themselves.

Naomi Smalls – Naomi’s Prince look was so good, it’s hard to feel like she deserved to go home. Her challenge performance did suck, but she’s also been so consistently good all season, it seems unfair to ditch her just yet.

Valentina – Val’s extraordinarily high confidence level was amusing at first, but now it’s getting a little concerning. She did pretty damn poorly this week and it’s strange that she doesn’t seem to realize that. Or maybe she just refuses to show weakness, no matter what. I wouldn’t be surprised if at least one of the girls picked her lipstick tonight. Lucky girl.

Manila Luzon – Manila is bringing the drama, the unpredictability, and the talent to the competition lately. She’s been killing it left and right, and is definitely the new frontrunner now. Adversity looks good on this gal.

Next week: we got ourselves a little reunion! Grab a parasol, cause it’s gonna get shady up in here.

Ta-ta, glamazons!

 

 

 

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