Previously on All Stars: Monique Heart had trouble keeping her damn wig on. Latrice Royale got distracted by romper room fuckery again. Manila Luzon considered taking out her strongest competition. And stunning shady queen Gia Gunn sashayed away.
The queens get back to the werk room and discuss Gia. Everyone’s trying to be polite because let’s be real, most of them couldn’t fucking stand her anymore.
The gals sit down to go over the elimination, and Valentina‘s conversation with Manila Luzon comes up. Valentina thanks Manila for saving her, but in her confessional, she says she doesn’t feel grateful at all. It’s clear Manila’s game-playing has made an enemy out of Val.
Manila’s not backing down from her previous opinion, though. In fact, she says next time, she might not save the strongest competition after all.
The next morning, RuPaul comes in and introduces the week’s maxi-challenge right away. The queens are tasked with doing some improv acting in “Jersey Justice,” a New Jersey spin on Judge Judy. Each contestant will play a plaintiff or defendant in a mock trial, presided over by our resident Jersey girl Michelle Visage.
The gals pair up and start getting into character and brainstorming ideas. Latrice Royale, who is in a team with Monique Heart and Monét X Change, is spiraling already. Monique and Monét are pretty energetic, and their overeager rehearsing quickly overwhelms Latrice, who is just trying to get situated.
Naomi Smalls is paired up with Manila Luzon. She’s been gushing over Manila since day one, saying how she idolizes her and can’t believe she gets to work with her. Okay but bitch, the whole “celebrity’s superfan understudy” thing never works out. Joslyn Fox can confirm that.
Meanwhile, Trinity The Tuck and Valentina are sitting there trying to figure out how to do a Jersey accent, which is not really their forte. They spend almost an entire minute together repeating the word “girl” with the accent, not sure how to say it.
Comedy gold, bitch.
Valentina is a little insecure about her improv skills. She wants to make sure she has a solid character idea so she doesn’t get lost in the challenge.
It’s time for the first pair to get cracking. Manila Luzon and Naomi Smalls are doing “You made me look like a bitch, bitch!”, an elegant, understated tale of a tragic misunderstanding.
Manila is playing “Tiffani with two i’s dotted with hearts,” who accidentally got a makeover at a dog salon. She is totally selling the fantasy and even starts barking furiously near the end. Issa toot.
Naomi, as the defensive salon owner, is freaking flawless. She doesn’t break character or miss a single beat, her accent and voice are hilarious, and the look is on point.
Next up, we have “How ’bout them cakes?”, a story about wedding cakes and whoreses.
Monique Heart is playing a traumatized woman who was made a very insulting wedding cake by the business she’s suing. The look is great, the voice and accent are great, she’s her usual snappy, hilarious self. Brown cow stunning.
Latrice Royale is the business owner who cannot be bothered with this cake drama. But really, it kind of seems like Latrice herself cannot be bothered either. She’s quiet, bored, and really slow. Monique runs circles around her.
It’s unfortunate that Monét X Change can’t seem to ever alter her voice when playing characters, because she just ends up sounding like her normal self. Still, she’s entertaining and brings some jokes. More than Latrice, anyway, which is admittedly a low bar.
Last but not least, we’ve got “I was snookered by Snooki,” a skit about a lady who thought she hired Snooki to visit a birthday party but accidentally hired a fraud.
Trinity The Tuck is playing an angry mob mom who wants 1 million dollahs in compensation from the fake Snooki who came to her party. She’s fun, but a tad stiff. (Just like her face I mean what)
Valentina looks incredible, and she managed to get the accent down in the end. The two of them were originally concerned that Valentina wouldn’t measure up to the challenge, but Trinity totally gets overshadowed. Valentina kills it.
The next morning, the queens start getting ready for the main stage while discussing their challenge performances. Manila asks her best bud Latrice how her team did and Latrice is all, “oh we were so great we’re definitely not in the bottom.”
Latrice comes over to Trinity to ask her about a slip-up she made during her bit with Valentina. But Trinity is like “that’s funny but you’re in the bottom bitch.”
We have come to the main stage portion of the night, and for the second week in a row, Ru looks absolutely sickening.
Tonight, category is “Swerves and Curves,” a padding extravaganza.
Manila Luzon is giving us French eloguence with a touch of her typical Cruella De Vil hair. It’s chic, it’s cute, it works. Magnifique.
Naomi Smalls is serving… well, pie. Her outfit is a whole story: the lonely yet foxy ’50s housewife who just burned her pie because she was too busy ogling the hunky gardener. It might just be my imagination, but I feel like the pie is emitting actual smoke. Werk.
Trinity The Tuck has pulled out one of those amazing wavy wigs you see once in a while and paired it with this stunner of a lewk. Killer.
Speaking of fashion, Valentina has gone full-on haute couture, literally, with this wig-less, deconstructed, mid-creation outfit. It’s incredibly bold, a bit like her half-naked Madonna look on season 9, but it’s a great showing of versatility.
So this is what that mountain of spotted fabric from episode 1 was for. Monique Heart has gone full-on brown cow stunning. She looks fierce as fuck, and it’s obviously extremely on-brand for her.
Oh, look, another pageant gown! Latrice Royale looks gorgeous, but the lewk barely fits the category and, more importantly, looks just like the last two or three outfits she’s worn on the runway. Boo.
Monét X Change has pulled out this insane homage to Kim Kardashian‘s famous champagne picture. It’s genius, it’s super well-made, and the way that glass is bopping around on her humongous booty is hilarious.
Manila and Naomi are praised for their performances, but Naomi is told she just wasn’t as good as Manila.
Guest judge Erica Ash does not get Valentina’s look. Oh, at all. She says it doesn’t work for her.
Latrice Royale realizes, with the judges’ comments, that maybe she wasn’t that great after all. Monét is told she wasn’t enough of a character as well.
Manila Luzon and Monique Heart are the top two!
Trinity The Tuck, Naomi Smalls, and Valentina are safe. That means the bottom two are Latrice Royale and Monét X Change.
The queens ruturn to the werk room for some deliberations. Also, tears. Latrice Royale is floored that she’s in the bottom and horrified that she could be going home. Manila is also in tears over her friend’s predicament.
Valentina suddenly interrupts the somber mood with a furious, dramatic outburst about Erica Ash’s criticism of her runway look. It’s the most Valentina thing she’s done this season so far, and that’s saying a lot.
Monique and Monét sit down together and discuss track records. Monét is trying to hold back tears while she defends herself. Monique has a tough decision to make.
Later, Manila chats with Monét, telling her she’s a great queen who’s done a great job. Basically, a eulogy.
Latrice, in the meantime, has pulled herself together for her conversation with Monique. In her confessional, Latrice says this should be an easy decision—she’s the most beloved and respected queen out there and so she deserves to stay regardless of everything else.
This week’s lip-sync performance is set to “The Bitch Is Back” by Tina Turner and Elton John.
Manila does a great job with the song, giving full-on Tina Turner fantasy. But she’s a little lacking in energy, which Monique has tons of. And she used wig glue!!
Monique is the winner. And the lipstick she has chosen is…
It was a very difficult decision to make, but Monique chose based on track record during the competition rather than outside of it, which is where Monét won.
Latrice Royale is a legend, but she was being very complacent and I think on some level, she was expecting to coast by on her name alone. But that was not a fair expectation when everyone around her was working their asses off. So, sadly, it was time for her to go.
Shall we do a run-down?
Manila Luzon – Manila continues to be a definite frontrunner, as opposed to her fellow All Stars 1 sister. Manila knows how much effort this competition requires, and she is doing the thing. I expect to see her in the top, for sure.
Naomi Smalls – Naomi’s high-but-not-winning placements of the last few weeks made sense, but now, it’s all starting to feel a little conspirucy-like. Is she being given the Thorgy Thor treatment to see if she’ll snap? It seems unfair.
Trinity The Tuck – Trinity looked so fierce tonight, it makes me wonder how she’s going to top that look in the coming weeks. But I’m excited to see what she does next, as always.
Valentina – Valentina continues to subvert expectations, for better or worse. She’s always surprising everyone with everything she says and does. Her angry rant about Erica Ash is going to go down in herstory, that’s certain.
Monique Heart – I honestly expected Monique to go home tonight, not win. It’s a pleasant surprise to see her doing so well still. It seems the brown cow queen still has a lot of fight left in her. Good for huh.
Monét X Change – Monét has been pulling out some great gags, this Kardashian look especially. On paper, before this week, sending her home over Latrice seemed obvious. But she is werking it and she deserves to stay, at least a little longer.
The competition is getting tighter and tighter, and things are about to get really hot. I cannot wait. See y’all next week!