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Previously on All Stars: Gia Gunn brought the motherfucking drama to the competition and amped everything up for the cameras like nobody’s business. Valentina emerged as a total frontrunner who would be very hard to take down. And poor whiny Farrah Moan was sent home after being up for elimination two weeks in a row.

The queens ruturn to the werk room after Farrah’s exit to shoot the shit. Valentina says she couldn’t give Farrah a third chance to redeem herself and it was her time to go.

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#notsorry

Monét X Change is asked whose lipstick she picked. Turns out it was also Farrah’s.

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Yay season 10 sisterhood!

Gia explains how she feels about the conflama with Farrah. She says she attempted to get closure and it just didn’t work out. Monique Heart is fully not having the fakery. She’s 100% over Gia.

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Dot com.

Speaking of queens being over other queens, Trinity The Tuck is seriously questioning Monét X Change’s taste levels based on her lip-sync outfit. And things go from bad to worse when Monét counters saying Trin’s “Emotions” lip-sync outfit was a choice too.

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Ex-tucking-cuse me?

There may be a lil’ bit of a rivalry brewing there. And I’m sorry, but Monét X Change is no match for Trinity. Period. Sue me.

The next morning, things move pretty quickly and RuPaul almost immediately comes into the werk room to announce the week’s maxi-challenge: it’s Snatch Game!

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Tag yourself I’m Monique doing a spontaneous high kick out of excitement. But also Naomi looking fully terrified.

This season, however, there’s a change from the usual formula: The queens will be playing the “Snatch Game of Love,” in which they’ll need to take those celebrity impersonations and turn them around a bit in an attempt to flirt with the guest judges in a dating show twist.

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“Oh. Okay”

The queens get to work on their character lewks and impersonations, knowing they may have to make some changes in order to account for the new twist. Latrice Royale, in particular, is pretty anxious about this challenge, on account of her original season’s Snatch Game being the messiest, most malicious gay faggotry-filled shitshow ever.

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I’m just gonna leave this right here.

Latrice is scared of the same craziness occurring again this year.

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PTSD realness.

Gia Gunn tells Valentina she’s planning to do Caitlyn Jenner for her Snatch Game. But lo and behold––Trinity The Tuck is ALSO doing Caitlyn. And she ain’t backing down, bitch. Gia counters with this gem of a reply: “Well, what you wanna do isn’t necessarily what you’re gonna do.”

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God, I love her.

When it’s starting to look like one of them is going to have to change plans, Gia reveals she didn’t bring a backup character.

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Valentina’s face says it all.

Finally, Gia backs down and goes for a backup idea, allowing Trinity to have Caitlyn. It remains to be seen whether that’s going to be beneficial for her or not. (Spoiler alert: it isn’t.)

It’s time for the Snatch Game of Love! It’s a mixture of standard Snatch Game and last year’s The Bitchelor, arguably All Stars 3’s best challenge. The contestants are split up into two groups of four, each of which needs to compete for a special guest judge’s affection. And also be funny. But be in character. No pressure!

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Monét X Change is doing Whitney Houston. The voice isn’t there at all, but the attitude is mostly fun. She throws song references into most of her responses, which is pretty hit or miss. Overall, it’s not great and not terrible.

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Naomi Smalls is pulling out an excellent Wendy Williams impression. She’s got the voice, the accent, the celeb gossip references, and most of all––the Statue of Liberty faint. It’s damn great.

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Trinity The Tuck has won the Caitlyn Jenner role, and she’s killing it. She’s hilarious, she’s snappy, she’s in character start to finish, it’s excellent. Brava.

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Valentina is Eartha Kitt. The look and characterization are there, but she gets lost in her own impression and forgets to be funny. Or tries to be funny and doesn’t quite make it. It’s really unfortunate.

When all is said and done with these four, the hot, hot guest judge Gus Kenworthy selects Trinity’s Caitlyn Jenner as his winner. It’s not a challenge win (yet) but it’s still well-deserved.

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That is one lucky queen hennie.

It’s now the other group’s turn, and girl is it a mixed bag. There’s some good performances, some middle-ground ones, and unfortunately for poor PTSD’d Latrice, one very Kenya Michaels-y showing. Issa mess.

 

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Monique Heart is doing Tiffany Haddish. While I admittedly am not very familiar with Ms. Haddish, it feels like Mo-Mo is just playing herself there a little bit. At least she’s entertaining.

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FINALLY! After over a dozen editions of Snatch Game, someone has, at long last, done Barbra Streisand. Just for that, Manila Luzon gets an A+ from me. Her Barbra is a brutal caricature, but it works and it’s fun, so you go, girl.

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Gia Gunn has let go of Caitlyn Jenner and is instead doing Jenny Bui, a nail tech and Instagram celebrity. Her impersonation, though, is basically an offensive Asian stereotype, and that is not cute, mawma. Oh, at all.

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Latrice Royale is doing Della Reese, and she looks good. Her performance, however, is painfully hindered by Gia’s incessant interruptions—to the point where she breaks character entirely and spends half the Snatch Game having to snap back at Gia. It’s very ugly.

In the end, the only really good performance of this round, Manila’s, wins.

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When it’s right, it’s right.

 

The next day, the queens gather in the werk room to prepare for the main stage, and Snatch Game performances are discussed. Everyone, including Gia herself, knows Gia is in the bottom. Latrice and Manila confront her about her extremely distracting, insensitive act. In a surprising moment of honesty for Gia, the gal acknowledges her fuck-up and apologizes for basically ruining things for Latrice.

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Self-aware fish.

The queens discuss love and sex while doing their makeup, with Latrice’s upcoming nuptials coming up in particular. Out of nowhere, Monét X Change asks the other queens if they think aliens exist.

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Honey what?

It’s time for the main stage—and girl, Ru has pulled out a LERK.

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Those. Motherfucking. Legs. Naomi found buried in a ditch.

Ru’s hair/makeup/wardrobe crew has seriously stepped its pussy up this season, and I’m so proud to see it. Special shout out also to guest judge Keiynan Lonsdale for showing up to the main stage with a fierce lewk.

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Fashion, darling.

… and another shout out the other guest judge, olympian Gus Kenworthy, for just being really damn hot.

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He can ski on my slopes any time.

Tonight’s runway category is “Boots the House Down.” I guess Ru forgot the “Mama Werk Okurrr,” but we’ll let it slide.

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Monét X Change has pulled out this wild biker lewk with an impressive tuck, great padding, and a nose ring. It’s pretty sexy, and compared to Monét’s usual, it’s kind of a stunner.

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Naomi Smalls’s concept is “viking warrior princess,” which I’m definitely getting, but it’s a bit of a letdown. Her boots are more sandals than boots, and it just looks a little messy. Sad.

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Trinity The Tuck is werking this black and gold number. It’s dripping in jewelry and it’s gorgeous. I would wear the shit out of those boots.

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Valentina’s boots are also her entire outfit. It’s a top-to-bottom article of clothing that is simple, but stunning. I feel like she could have benefited from a second color in there somewhere, but it’s still great.

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Monique Heart’s look isn’t the most cohesive. There’s a Little Red Riding Hood thing going on, which is cool, but the jean shorts don’t match all that well. It’s also a shame that Monique immediately drops that huge-ass hood, because it’s the most unique part of the outfit and the cloak just becomes a big piece of fabric once it’s down.

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Take that thing off of your mouth.

Manila Luzon is serving this insane, wacky, hypersexual bunny girl look, complete with bounds over her arms and legs and a carrot gag tied to her mouth. She hops around all over the runway with that carrot in there. That’s commitment, bitch.

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Gia’s look is simple but strong. She’s giving me androgynous, Artist Formerly Known As Prince vibes, and it’s fierce. I approve.

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Latrice Royale, like Trinity, is also dripping in jewels. I’m personally not a big fan. The swinging jewelry looks a little messy, and the red hair doesn’t quite match the rest of it.

Ru has made some decisionses. Monét X Change and Monique Heart are safe. Naomi is read for not actually wearing boots. Valentina, Gia, and Latrice are all told they were terrible at Snatch Game. Trinity and Manila, however, are praised through and through and are the top two of the week.

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Someone looks happy.

Joining Gia Gunn in the bottom two… is Valentina.

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*gasps in Spanish*

The queens retire for some deliberations, and Trinity The Tuck immediately pulls Manila Luzon aside so they can get their goals straight. This season of All Stars didn’t get the usual “how do we want to eliminate our competitors” discussion, so Trinity wants to make sure everyone still intends to follow what’s been done in past seasons, which is eliminating the weakest link according to track record and the judges’ critiques.

But Manila may not be into that strategy.

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Eek.

Manila is tempted to break the wheel of sparing the strong competitors for the sake of sportsmanship. She’s wondering if it might be worth it to get rid of Valentina here and now, and have one less obstacle between her and the crown. Cue death threats on Instagram.

Valentina, however, is totally calm and collected. If she’s worried, she’s not showing even an inch of weakness.

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Yas confidence.

Manila checks in on Gia, who’s feeling some type of way about the competition and what she’s been dealing with internally. It’s been a struggle for her, finding out how to fit in here without resorting to the shady season 6 tilapia antics she’s known for, and she’s floundering (pun not intended).

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Awww.

On the other side of the room, there’s a very different conversation happening. For Trinity, eliminating Valentina isn’t even conceivable. Trinity wants a fair challenge, she considers Valentina a good friend, and she wants Gia gone. So Trin-Trin promises Valentina she’s going to try to win the lip-sync for her.

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I love my season 9 sisterhood.

Manila, still feeling conflicted, goes to Valentina to run her doubts by her directly. Manila suggests forming an alliance based on mutually saving each other, but it kind of comes off as blackmail.

Valentina is not having it. Without showing fear or even raising her voice, she calmly rejects Manila’s offer and challenges her to beat her fair and square without resorting to dirty tricks.

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Fierce. As. Fuck. We stan.

Time for action. The lip-sync song is “How Will I Know” by Whitney Houston (YAS) and the girls both start off super strong.

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Werk it.

Manila is showing off her season 3-era cutthroat badassery, stepping in front of Trinity and pulling out all the stops to make her opponent invisible. She’s also completely inhabiting the song and seriously selling it. It quickly becomes clear she’s the winner here.

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Once a Heather, always a Heather.

Manila wins.

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“Fuck”

Explaining her decision, Manila says she wants to win this competition the most, and she’s always loved the queen she’s chosen. But then—plot twist—she pulls out Gia’s lipstick after all.

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Shangela realness.

Sadly, it was Gia’s time to go. She was absolutely a polarizing gal, and not everyone enjoyed her. I, for one, have absolutely fallen in love with the new and improved Miss Gunn, and can’t wait to see what she does next. The season isn’t going to be the same without her.

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Just keep swimming, my tilapia.

Let’s do that run-down!

Monét X Change – Monét did decently this week and served a great lerk, but I’m not convinced she has what it takes to go that much further. I give her two more weeks, tops. Sorry ’bout it.

Naomi Smalls – I want to root for Naomi, I really do. But there’s always something that’s missing in her performances every week. I hope she can really break out and shine at some point soon.

Trinity The Tuck – Miss Tuckine has been slaying everything front and back, and is 100% the queen to beat this year. She has a lot of fierce competition, but I don’t see her going down any time soon.

Valentina – Val had a little slip-up this week, but she was so unbothered and incredibly cool about it that the episode made her look like even more of a winner. I plan on watching her conversation with Manila once a day every day until I start to absorb some of that confidence, because she has it in droves. Droves, bitch.

Monique Heart – Monique is always incredibly entertaining. She gives some of the best confessionals and is just a really fun presence. That said, with some of the weaker queens gone, Our Lady of the Brown Cow is sadly now on the low end of the power scale. I hope she can prove me wrong and do something fierce next week to reestablish herself as a threat.

Manila Luzon – Manila took a few episodes to start her engines (see what I did there?), but she’s back in full force now and these other girls better watch out. Manila is out for blood, and I can’t wait to see how this turns out.

Latrice Royale – I’m going to be honest—I think Latrice should’ve been in the bottom instead of Valentina. Getting distracted and flustered on the season 4 Snatch Game was understandable, given the circumstances. But when you look at how Manila totally pulled this challenge off despite also being distracted by Gia, I think we should consider the possibility that this failure was Latrice’s own, and that should’ve been acknowledged further.

And we’re done with episode three! Tune in next time, guys and gals!

Byyyye!

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