search instagram arrow-down

Previously on All Stars: All Stars 1 alums Manila Luzon and Latrice Royale joined this year’s returning queens. Farrah Moan slipped and fell during her number, to the great amusement of Gia Gunn. Monique Heart took her wig off—AGAIN—during a lip-sync, which… girl. No. In the end, our beloved Jasmine Masters was sent home for being thoroughly unprepared.

The queens come back for the first All Stars 4 mourning session, celebrating the legend that is Queen Jush. Trinity The Tuck is asked how she feels about sending a queen home, and she gets a little emotional, saying it’s far from an easy thing to do.

Trinity1.PNG

Girl please we know those tear ducts were replaced decades ago!

Monique Heart’s literal slip-up is mentioned, and Latrice Royale, in private, criticizes the gal for taking her wig off without having anything underneath.

Latrice1.PNG

Wig glue, bitch.

The lipsticks come up and Monique reveals she also picked Jasmine’s. She considered sending Farrah Moan home, but she thought about herself on season 10 and how she would’ve liked to have been given that second chance for a mess-up.

Monique1.PNG

So sweet. And also… foreshadowing?

Farrah Moan fully intends to take advantage of her second chance and is all, “I’m about to fuck shit up.”

Gia1.PNG

Sure, Jan.

The next mornting, the queens show up to the werk room feeling ready. Valentina is wearing this sleek leather getup… which she pulls down to moon her fellow queens for a minute.

Valentina1.PNG

¡Santo cielo!

Mama RuPaul comes in for this week’s maxi-challenge assignment, cause we’re not doing a mini-challenge this week bitch: The queens are tasked with putting pop girl groups together to showcase their inner singer-songwriter and lip-sync/dance to their own verses live on the main stage.

Trinity2.PNG

No pressure!

Trinity The Tuck and Monique Heart, as the top two of last week’s challenge, get to be team leaders and pick their teammates. Gia Gunn and Farrah Moan are the last two to be picked, and Monique snatches Farrah up, leaving Gia to go to Trinity’s team by default.

Gia2.PNG

Werk.

With that out of the way, there’s a twist: the girl groups are both going to be joined by the queen of queens, who will need to incorporate her into their number. It’s THE Henny, Stacy Layne Matthews!

Henny1.PNG

Yas, Henny!

The two teams sit down to start planning their girl groups. Gia Gunn mentions Farrah Moan and brings up the fact that there’s been some shady history between them lately. Allegedly, Farrah showed up at one of Gia’s shows drunk and messy one time trying to meddle with some personal drama she had with another girl. Things got ugly and since then, the two have been on the rocks.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 7.47.50 PM.png

Ooo this some hot tea.

It’s all good fun gossip until Gia admits she was hoping Trinity The Tuck would have eliminated her instead of Jasmine Masters last week.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 7.48.30 PM.png

Um…

Manila Luzon thinks this may be a good opportunity for Gia to go to Farrah and patch things up. Gia agrees they should have a chat, but reading between the lines, it’s clear a peaceful resolution is not what she’s looking for here. I can’t wait to see how this turns out.

It’s time for Monique Heart’s team to go into the recording studio (which is just a redecorated main stage—that place must have some good acoustics) with music producers Leland and Freddy Scott and drop some hot beats on that… Nope I can’t pull that off.

Leland, the (adorable) music producer, asks who in the team is the best vocalist. Monique immediately raises her hand.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 7.54.32 PM.png

Oh okay.

Miss Heart immediately launches into a failed delivery of her lines, though, so… werk.

It’s Farrah’s turn, and she’s doing this wild, sultry, ultra-sexual thing inspired by her past job as a phone sex operator (?!).

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 7.57.49 PM.png

Leland has the most confused boner right now.

Next up: Trinity’s team! Valentina’s verse is half in English, half in Spanish. She’s singing about giving her “coochie-coo” to her man. And then she pulls the most perfect high-pitched vibrato. Gag.

Valentina.PNG

Werk, bitch.

Manila Luzon has this little Michael Jackson-inspired thing going but… it’s a little too whispered and actually sounds pretty terrible.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.03.08 PM.png

You in trouble girl.

Now for the choreography! It’s up to the queens to come up with all of the dancing for this number. Monique Heart is tossing ideas around left and right and making her team members deal with whatever she throws their way. Monét X Change and Naomi Smalls are keeping up just fine, but poor Farrah Moan is having the most trouble with the dance moves.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.07.56 PM.png

Next stop: Trainwreckville.

Trinity The Tuck’s team, which has five members instead of Monique’s four, has way more people giving their input during choreography. Trinity has ideas. Gia has ideas. Valentina has ideas. Manila has ideas. Latrice has… questions.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.09.39 PM.png

“What the fuck is going on”

It’s the next morning, the preliminary steps are all completed, and the queens are getting to work on their lewks for the girl group challenge and subsequent runway. Gia Gunn comes over to Monique Heart, “innocently” wondering how Farrah Moan is doing.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.20.24 PM.png

Monique is uncomfortable.

Miss Brown Cow admits Farrah is a bit of a ball and chain for the group and that it’s harshing her mellow a lil bit. Armed with that juicy knowledge, Gia marches straight over to Farrah at her makeup station and checks in to make sure her sis is doing okay. And by “checks in” I mean she tells her point-blank “according to your team, you’re the weakest link.”

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.23.28 PM.png

GWORL.

Farrah is fully not having it. She calls Gia out on her bullshit, accusing her of trying to stir the pot. She calls her “opportunistic” and then tells Gia that she’s forcing drama in order to get more airtime.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.27.32 PM.png

Oh it’s on.

Monique Heart jumps in to defend her teammate as Gia amps things up, but Farrah doesn’t need someone to protect her. She snaps the fuck back at Gia and tells her to back AWFF.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.30.52 PM.png

Come through, backbone!

Monique calls Gia “fake-as-fuck-dot-com” (which I am definitely going to steal). Throughout all of this pipin’ hot drama, though, Gia is fully, fabulously unmoved and never even shows an iota of weakness.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.31.53 PM.png

Stone cold. And gorgeous.

It’s main stage time girl!

Ru.PNG

Oh I have one of those gowns at home!

Quick moment of appreciation for guest judge Kacey Musgraves, who is giving every gay man’s fantasy cowgirl barbie realness.

Kacey.PNG

Well yee-fuckin’-haw, bitch.

First up: Trinity The Tuck’s girl group, performing “Don’t Funk It Up.”

Latrice1.PNG

Swear to God I thought that was Eureka and had a Vietnam flashback there for a minute.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.40.15 PM.png

Gia’s number is just okay. She falls a little flat and her look is nothing incredible.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.45.54 PM.png

Latrice’s rapping is great, but her outfit and hair are a bit so-so.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.46.50 PM.png

I feel like there was a ton of potential for Manila’s verse to be super fucking catchy. But it’s a disappointment. Sorry gal.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.47.43 PM.png

Trin-Trin looks amazing and does great with her bit.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.48.44 PM.png

But Valentina fully steals the entirety of that show. She’s turning it out, start to finish. Queen, winner, champion.

Monique Heart’s group is next with their tune, “Everybody Say Love.”

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.50.52 PM.png

Naomi Smalls looks so good and her rap is giving me ‘90s realness. It’s great.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.55.16 PM.png

Monique sounds great, but her outfit is very iffy and gets in her way. Also, her makeup looks a little wonky.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.56.59 PM.png

Farrah’s verse actually sounds good, but she’s super stiff on stage and fully fades into the background. Her look is a toot tho.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.58.14 PM.png

Monét serves it with her verse, dropping a cute The Vixen shout-out and being fun and playful.

That’s it for that challenge! Now for the runway. Category is: “Eloguence after dark.”

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 8.59.46 PM

Gia’s giving us pretty Barbie in pink. It’s cute, it’s polished, it’s tailored, but there’s nothing incredible about it either.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 9.12.30 PM.png

Latrice’s look is pretty, but her entire outfit—and hair—is all black and the lewk is missing a little dimension.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 9.17.54 PM.png

Just because of that gown, girl, you’re safe as fuck.

Manila Luzon looks fucking incredible. This is a stunning departure from what we’ve seen her in so far and it is gag-worthy.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 9.20.26 PM.png

Trinity is serving her pageant eleganza and looking perfect in red.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 9.23.19 PM.png

Valentina is polished, perfect, beautiful, et cetera et cetera. She can do no wrong.

Screen Shot 2018-12-23 at 9.25.01 PM.png

Naomi Smalls is serving Elvira versus the Ice Queen with a touch of Dusty Ray Bottoms’ drag on a dime lewk. Issa toot.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 12.05.01 PM.png

Monique Heart looks amazing and has a gagger of a reveal. I wish her waist had been cinched, but still fierce as fuck.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 12.40.42 AM.png

Farrah Moan’s lewk is very Farrah Moan. It’s super polished, very showgirl, she’s rocking the perfectly coiffed pink hairdo. If nothing else, Farrah has a very very strong visual identity. That’s what makes her an All Star.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 12.43.35 AM

Monét X Change’s outfit is a definite improvement over her average. It’s not absolutely stunning, but it is very pretty. She gets a toot from me.

The verdict is in: Valentina, Monét X Change, and Naomi Smalls are the top three.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 12.50.54 AM

Not bitter.

Monique Heart, Manila Luzon, and Farrah Moan are the bottom three.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 12.52.48 AM

g a s p

Manila gets read to filth for her challenge performance, but that look is everything, so all is forgiven. Naomi Smalls has a cute moment with guest judge Ciara. Monique Heart is critiqued on her challenge performance and gets a lil bit defensive.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 1.03.50 AM.png

Girl.

The top two of the week are Valentina and Monét—and the bottom two of the week are Farrah and Monique.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 1.36.16 AM.png

“Aw, fuck.”

The queens head back for some werk room deliberations. Monique wants to get to the talking part so she can plead her case, but Valentina needs a moment first.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 1.39.27 AM.png

Not having it.

Valentina talks about how this is a major moment for her: she won a challenge, yes, but now she has a to lip-sync. This part is what made her crash and burn in the most gag-worthy fashion on her season, so she’s feeling all the emotions right now.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 12.10.08 PM.png

“This bitch.”

The gals finally do get to have their one-on-one moments, but Monét and Farrah’s conversation is quickly interrupted by none other than Gia Gunn, because of course she would! Gia needs to “apologize” to them for frazzling them earlier, but we all know she’s just trying to stir shit up again. Watching from a distance, Trinity The Tuck casually says she thinks it’s Gia’s time to go.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 12.14.22 PM.png

Oop.

Deliberations end and it’s time for the lip-sync, hennie. Valentina and Monét both got outfit changes and are performing to “Into You” by Ariana Grande.

Monét does a decent job, but she feels a little slow. There’s a dress reveal and a spinning split, but those things are all a bit cliché and ineffective at this point. Plus her outfit and hair change from her runway look is kind of a choice.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 3.16.06 PM.png

Points for trying I guess.

Valentina, meanwhile, is a fucking otherworldly being, posing and spinning and emoting and doing all the things. If you didn’t enjoy her performance in this, you literally have no heart.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 3.16.21 PM.png

“Goddess Descending From Heaven Upon Lowly Mortal”, 2018

One more for the road:

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 3.17.23 PM.png

She’s so perfect it hurts.

Obviously, she wins, because duh. And her lipstick choice is…

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 3.20.04 PM.png

Owwhhhnnn

Poor Farrah tried her hardest, but she just couldn’t quite compete with these powerhouses. Still, she’s a great queen with her very own style who’ll go on to do wonderful things, I’m sure of it.

Screen Shot 2018-12-24 at 3.23.14 PM

And until then… keep moaning, henny.

Let’s do a run-down!

Gia Gunn – Let’s be real. Production only allowed Gia to be safe this week because she’s creating excellent drama and they want to keep her around a little longer. She’s going to have to step her pussy up next week if she wants to stick around, though.

Latrice Royale – Latrice is still doing well, but she’s not really standing out either. Perhaps she’s saving her better material for when there’ll be fewer queens in the race. Until then, she’s just okay. Her confessionals are excellent, though.

Manila Luzon – Manila’s runway lewk was absolutely slay-worthy, but she stumbled in the challenge this week. I like that the show wasn’t afraid to still put her in the bottom three. Perhaps they’ve learned a bit from their preferential treatment of queens in the past.

Trinity Taylor – Trinity is still killing it left and right – and giving great, fun confessionals too. This lady is for sure heading to the top of the competition.

Valentina – I try not to engage in stan behavior with queens, because it’s a lil unhealthy, but Valentina makes it really hard not to. She is just so polished and talented. It’s hard to imagine her not winning this season, honestly. But we shall see.

Naomi Smalls – Naomi is doing well in the challenges, as this is her second high placement in a row, but she still hasn’t really stood out, personality-wise. She’s been a little bland. Considering she set out to prove she wasn’t, I don’t think she’s been super successful so far.

Monique Heart – Poor gal went from being on top of the world to feeling like a failure real quick. Talk about whiplash. Hopefully she uses this to redouble in her efforts and go right back to being on top.

Monét X Change – Monét did well in the challenge and actually pulled a lewk good enough to allow her to win this time. But then she changed into a much less impressive outfit, which is a bummer. I’m still concerned that Monét’s visual aesthetic is not strong enough compared to these other girls’.

That is all for this week, ladies. Tune in next week for more draggy adventures! Ta-ta!

 

Leave a Reply
%d bloggers like this: