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Hoe, hoe, hoe. Let’s get this Christmas roast a-cookin’! It’s time for the RuPaul’s Drag Race Holi-Slay Spectacular! Try explaining THAT title to the straights.

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Okay but does that splash screen kinda make it look like they’re spelling “Dragula”? The crossover for the ages, bitch.

We start things off with Ross Mathews in an elf suit making gay dad jokes.

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Oh, Ross… Never change.

With that cringe out of the way,  the first queen comes into the werk room… it’s Trixie Mattel!

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This poor bitch always comes in first.

Trixie immediately throws some playful shade at All Stars 3’s jury vote. Clever gal.

Latrice Royale is here!

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Ooo she large and in charge alright.

Trixie suggests it might just be the two of them doing this thing, and Latrice implies Trixie’s not a threat.

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Honey!

Next up… Eureka! Okay. I’m gonna make an effort to try to be excited about this one. I swear.

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I actually do love what she’s wearing. Really!

The gals greet each other and Eureka reminds everyone of her “P.H.A.T.” (Pretty Hot And Tasty) brand thing.

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No one cares girl.

Oops I said I was gonna be nice.

The next queen in is Mayhem Miller!

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Looking flawless as always.

Mayhem’s brought some mistletoe, and Trixie goes for the opportunity. We had to wait till the Christmas special for a Drag Race hookup!

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Trixya shippers found dead.

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“I am… disgusted”

Next up is someone all the young twinks who started watching on season 7 won’t know, but girl does she look good: It’s Sonique!

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Ugh she’s so hot it hurts.

Also: Yas, trans contestants!

Sonique hasn’t been all up in this gig since season 2, way back in 2009. Talk about a throwback. Guess this is the Tatianna of the… well, episode!

Kim Chi is here! And my goodness she never looks bad. Ever.

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EVER

Kim and Trixie are reunited! It feels so fun having all these queens in the werk room together for the first time, y’all.

Jasmine Masters is next, and girl, she got a reveal.

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Just a little something to go to the store in. Buy some soap to wash your ass, you know.

I know we’re about to get Jasmine on All Stars 4 too, but seriously, I’ll take all the Jush I can get.

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Well halleloo!

Shangela‘s back! Again! And clock the Game of Thrones reference—it’s been ten seconds and she already got one in.

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“This bitch again?”

That’s everyone! With that, Mama RuPaul comes in singing.

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It’s a musical, bitch!

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Look at this gay-ass dancer. Look at the gayness just radiating off him.

The queens all join in song. A scripted moment? In my reality show?

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Not Trixie stepping on Shangie’s dress!

With this, the first ever annual Drag Race Holiday Special (pending ratings data for renewal), Ru is looking to crown a Christmas Queen this year, and maybe every year after that!

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So if we crown Eureka now, can we be spared from seeing her on All Stars 5?

Ru brings in a bunch of Pit Crew boys (including Shawn—hay, Shawn, hay) dressed as reindeer. Sexy reindeer, of course. C’mon, bestiality!

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Okay that reindeer is definitely checking out his buddy’s package. Keep it in your pants, henny.

This special’s mini-challenge: A dance-off to Ru’s song, “Christmas Cookies”!

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So is Miss Vanjie getting royalties for that title or…?

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I’ll be honest, it’s hard to focus on the queens here.

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Why is that dancer alone? I don’t even see a queen there.

Kim Chi attempts a duck walk. It’s not bad considering even a regular walk is a lot to ask from her sometimes.

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C’mon, bouncy legs!

Mayhem and her partner are making me swoon, I’m not gonna lie.

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Is it hot in here?

Ru is dancing! Actually dancing!

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It’s a Christmas miracle!

Mayhem wins the mini-challenge!

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You win… well nothing, ’cause this is a scripted special. Them’s the breaks.

For this episode’s main challenge, the queens need to put together a song-and-dance number to one of Ru’s songs.

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Oh here comes a tearful backstory.

The girls start doing their makeup—or redoing it, I guess—and talk about how they’ve been able to afford nicer things for themselves and their family with their Drag Race money lately. Then they break into a lip-sync session, ’cause, you know, scripted holiday special.

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Grease but make it Christmas-y.

We cut to queens prancing on stage in holiday getups, living their gay lives. Mayhem tries to get a mistletoe kiss with Shawn, but she gets pecked by Sonique instead.

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Girl you’ve just been kissed by Drag Madonna, be grateful for this blessing.

Trixie gets pelted by fake snowballs.

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Pretty sure Shangela enjoyed that tremendously.

The acid trip ends and Jasmine goes “Did we all just imagine that together? Were we all in the same dream?”

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Yes, bitch, sell that script!

Time for the main stage! And girl it got puked all over by Santa’s helpers.

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Oh, Jesus, gross.

The musical number starts with RuPaul herself dancing it out and lip-syncing to her own song. Ru, dancing twice in one episode? What is this gaggery?

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And she looks stun too. Those goddamn legs!

The judges are here—Michelle Visage, regular-sized Ross Mathews, and Todrick Hall with a dirty joke about getting his halls decked nightly.

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Don’t be fucking vulgar.

The musical number starts and Shangela is getting ALL of the screentime. I think Ru still feels bad about All Stars 3.

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Get that spotlight gurl.

Sonique does this crazy-ass flippy thing (I don’t know dance terms, okay, leave me alone) onto a Pit Crew boy.

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Gag.

Latrice does a split! Splits have become so cliché on Drag Race, but when Latrice does them, it just works somehow.

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Pound it!

Trixie is following that choreography like a pro.

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She deserved that crown, y’all, don’t hate.

With that done, this episode’s runway theme is “Non-denominational Christmas Eleganza.” I am way too Jewish to understand that.

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Eureka is doing an homage to the 1996 Holiday Barbie. Gotta say, that dress looks a little cheap compared to Barbie’s lewk. You were in two seasons, you can afford better! She still looks good though. The face is beat.

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Sonique is looking so damn good, she’s making me question my sexuality. That is Madonna, bitch. But like, younger. Sorry ’bout it.

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Latrice is giving us Big Ol’ Red Riding Hood, but glam. It’s sparkly, it’s beautiful, her hair is coiffed, but that hood looks a little sloppy hanging off her back tho.

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Trixie be like, “look at my All Stars 3 money!” She is looking espensive. And gorgeous. Angelic Good Witch of the North realness.

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Well, holy shit.

Mayhem is here to gag the children (not literally, Jesus!) with this crazy Krampus look. It’s half-terrifying, half-fabulous. Now that is some good fucking drag.

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Jasmine is doing this wrapped-up gift lewk that’s fierce, but also kinda weird, and awkwardly reminiscent of her tube cocoon from season 7. She also doesn’t get a voiceover to explain it, so it’s just, like, a total mystery.

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Kim Chi is giving us midnight on Christmas Eve realness. I mean, besides her walking, this gal can do no wrong. It’s flawless.

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Shangela’s lewk is a play on her season 3 snowman creation, and it is gorge. Love the juxtaposition of the poofy white dress and the black top hat. Yas.

The gals step off the main stage and led the judges deliberate, but because this is a holiday special, they’re pulling a “final four deliberation” and being super nice to everybody. So this whole segment is like… werk, but can we see the queens untuck backstage yet?

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Okay actually this bag thing is kinda creeping me out.

Turns out the queens are lip-syncing to some more Christmas carols!

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I kinda miss normal werk room drama. But it’s okay, All Stars is next week.

Shawn comes in again doing the Postmates shtick and drops off some random package.

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What’s in the package though?!

The queens are brought back to the main stage to lip-sync for the crown… two at a time.

So we start with Sonique and Mayhem Miller. Sonique is doing nicely enough, but she’s no match for Mayhem, who’s channeling her Krampus energy to the fullest and killing it.

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Werk that scary lewk.

Jasmine Masters is lip-syncing against Shangela… and she’s still wearing that fucking bag on her head.

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I can’t with this ho.

Trixie Mattel does a Monét X Change-type fake split, which is super cute, and Eureka makes her poofy dress twirl in circles. They’re kind of evenly matched.

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Double shantay? Or double sashay?

Latrice Royale is fully selling the song with her gospel-y good vibes. She’s just a joy to watch. But Kim Chi pulls a wig reveal that’s from another dimension.

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This bitch had a goddamn HAT under her wig.

It’s time to crown a queen. And the winner is…

Everybody!

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Oh, gross.

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“Cool, cool.”

Shangela’s ecstatic “I finally won” cheer is pretty much the saddest thing I have seen this year.

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Shangie no!

As a parting gift, Ru and Michelle Visage are going to treat the queens with a little role reversal: They’re going to lip-sync for their life!

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Oh, this is gonna be good.

Things start out cute and fun, with Ru and Michelle having a good time, and then suddenly the music gets wild and—bam! Stunt performers!

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Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before

In the end, they get a double shantay—because of course they do. It’s Christmas!

And that’s the end of that craziness! I saw the non-competition aspect coming a mile away, but it was definitely a lot of fun. Especially seeing Ru dance.

Tune in next week for some more serious business: The premiere of All Stars 4! It’s about to get gaggy up in here…!

Sleigh y’all later!

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