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Show of hands—who’s excited for the Drag Race Christmas Special?! I don’t know about you, but I cannot wait to have Eureka back on our screens.

Again.

So. Very. Excited.

Oh, who am I kidding.

Anyway, before we get to the X-mas-palooza, it’s time to ruveal the ten queens chosen to compete in the next sickening round of All Stars, henny! Hope you’re ready to laugh at my opinions. Let’s do this!

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It’s Christina Aguilera again! Wait nope, it’s really Farrah Moan this time! The whiny queen is back in full force and ready to moan our ears off again—and bitch, I can’t wait. She’s looking fishy and polished and so, so gorgeous. I’m ready to be gagged.

With a little time and coin to expand on her wardrobe (and hopefully get some more clothes to stop relying on that body!), the Xtina lookalike is ready to show us what she’s got a second time. And hopefully, give us some good drama. She may look sweet, but this bitch knows how to start shit.

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Chances of winning: Back on season 9, Farrah was very middle-of-the-pack, like her sis Aja… Who then went on to slay the mothertucking world on All Stars 3. So while, yes, the odds are stacked against her with all these fierce competitors, I am definitely not counting this ho out. She could surprise us!

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How is she though? The fiercest tilapia in town is back to gag us with her gorgeousness and make us giggle with her weirdness, and it is everything All Stars needs. She’s feeling her oats and she looks good.

She’s done some growing, she’s got some coin, and Gia is ready to take what she started in season 6 and bring it to the next level—and being an out, transitioned trans woman should help her out with feeling her full fantasy! Hopefully, we get a lasting taste of that fishiness.

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Chances of winning: Gia may not have done that well on her original season, but it’s been quite a while since then, and with her recent runner-up spot on The Switch Drag Race, the Chilean equivalent to our own show, Gia has proven she’s a force to be reckoned with.

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Hope you’ve been washing your ass, bitch, because Mama Jasmine is here to keep you in check! The meme queen has been riding her viral YouTube videos all the way to the bank, and now, she’s ready to cash in. I don’t think that made sense, but you know what, she doesn’t always make sense either, and that’s okay!

Jasmine Masters placed—count it—twelfth on her season, but with the fame she’s garnered outside the show, she’s ready to show everyone she’s still got it. Get yo jush!

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Chances of winning: Let’s be real. Can Jasmine Masters really win All Stars 4? Not likely. I don’t want to count a bitch out, but I’m just hoping for as many episodes with her in them as possible. That’s all that matters!

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Say it with me: LatrIIIIIIICE! She’s large and in charge, chunky yet funky, and she’s ready to take that goddamn crown. After the team-up SNAFU in All Stars 1, Miss Royale is being given a third chance to do this right, just like Shangela. This just might be her season, fellas.

Latrice Royale, like Alyssa Edwards, is one of those legendary queens you just can’t not love. She’s funny, she’s sweet, she’s smart, and an excellent entertainer. She’s going to be a tough biscuit to take down. (See what I did there?)

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Chances of winning: In Latrice’s case, very, very high. She’s lovable, she’s hilarious, she’s a great lip-syncer… Miss Royale’s got this in the bag, henny. Everyone else better watch out.

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Hi Manila! I just saw Manila, girl! The other half of Team Latrila is also back from All Stars 1 and ready to take one more stab at the crown. And bitch, she is gonna look good doing it.

Manila is one of the OG Drag Race queens, the kind that were part of the show’s original legend but that many of the younger fans aren’t familiar with. All Stars 4 will be a great opportunity for her to be discovered by a new generation of fans—and more.

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Chances of winning: Manila Luzon was the runner-up on season 3, and was arguably only taken down by the team dynamic in the very ugly All Stars 1. So given a chance to do this again, by herself, with no distractions? Oh, she’s gonna get it, girl. This one is an absolute threat. Everyone else should just give up.

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From an OG queen to a freshly arrived one: Monét X Change is back! The sponge queen is ready to mop up the competition once again, and I swear to god if she doesn’t bring some kind of crazy elevated version of her sponge dress to the runway, I will riot.

Monét just wrapped up season 10 and is likely jumping onto All Stars 4 to rehab her image after floundering so much on the runway. Hopefully, she’s managed to improve on her wardrobe enough for that to avoid taking her down this time around.

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Chances of winning: Monét’s biggest issue, ironically, is money. She says it herself, she can’t afford the crazy lewks that some of these famous, experienced bitches are pulling. And that’s a problem, given the fact that cheap-looking outfits are what got her kicked off the show last time. Let’s hope she can push past that obstacle.

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Another season 10 girl! The heart of season 10 is back, and ready to prove she’s got what it takes to be a true legend. Facts are facts, America, and this brown cow is coming for ya!

Monét and Monique are in a very similar situation: fresh off the season 10 boat, and repeatedly clocked on their run for amateurish lewks and insufficient razzle-dazzle. Like Monét, Monique is back to show she’s worth it, and she got a little boost in coin since her season, so anything’s possible! She’s a production, okay?

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Chances of winning: Like with Monét, Monique’s problem is going to be not having the money most of these other queens have, as well as not having enough time to become the true polished version of herself that she could be with a few extra years. But maybe she can pull an Aja and slay the runway regardless. I’ll be rooting for her, because who doesn’t love a good underdog? Stunning!

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Okay, first of all, gag. Honey, this look is everything. Naomi is feeling her fantasy and I’m feeling it too. Miss Smalls is back from season 8, and won’t stop until she’s in that goddamn hall of fame.

Since her season, Naomi hasn’t been all that visible out there. She’s a bit like BenDeLaCreme in the sense that she’s disappeared a bit since being on Drag Race. But Dela resurfaced after years and destroyed All Stars 3, so that doesn’t really mean much.

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Chances of winning: Naomi was a runner-up on her season, so it’s clear she’s got the chops to do well. Her one big weakness might be the lack of a legacy; the sort of aura of legend that a queen can only build up from doing well outside the show, rather than just on it. Hopefully, she won’t need that to slay regardless.

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Trinity Taylor is back!! And apparently, she calls herself Trinity The Tuck now, no more Taylor. That’s going to take some getting used to. No promises, girl. I liked the old name!

Trinity came in as a complete underdog in season 9, following a very underwhelming Meet the Queens first impression. She quickly turned out to be a huge threat and came very close to winning the whole damn thing. Now, for All Stars 4, she may get to do just that. Back up!

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Chances of winning: We all got to see what Miss Trin-Trin was capable of in season 9. She’s the full package: pageant-y beauty, hilarious comedic chops, amazing dancer and lip-syncer… There’s nothing that can get in her way, except maybe her botox. She’s got this.

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She’s perfect, she’s beautiful, she looks like Linda Evangelista… and she’s back!! Valentina made a helluva splash on her season, between the amazing lewks, the clashes with Aja, and the instantly legendary “I’d like to keep it on, please” moment. Her exit was a fiery one, a great representation of her drag style overall: dramatic and jaw-dropping.

Valentina may have let a huge misstep take her down on her season, but the latina goddess is here to slay this time around, and she will (hopefully) know the words going forward.

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Chances of winning: Valentina’s weak point on her season was, of course, the lip-syncing. Provided she has improved on that end, there’s no reason she can’t make it all the way to the hall of fame. Lord La Virgen de Guadalupe knows she’s polished enough to murder the runway start to finish. No doubt about that.

There it is, sweethearts! Such an incredible cast. I’m rooting for so many of them, I literally don’t want anyone to go home. Can we do the thing where they all stay and rack up points this season? Pretty please? No more lipsticks!

Are you looking forward to All Stars 4? Before that starts, tune in for an extra special RuPaul’s Drag Race Holi-Slay Spectacular recap, coming next month!

Byyyyyyyeeeee!

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