Previously on All Stars: Kennedy Davenport almost got eliminated after a long night of hooking, but she’s still a fierce crystallized glamazon bitch ready for the runway. Milk had a mental breakdown about being safe. Shangela and BenDeLaCreme werked the (highly rigged) VH1 Divas Live challenge. Shangie won the lip-sync and allowed the production to get rid of Thorgy Thor.
The girls get back to the werk room with the super dramatic VH1 music and are thoroughly shook at Thorgy Thor’s penis drawing on the mirror.
Kennedy thinks Thorgy’s pettiness was inappropriate, and Milk defends it, calling it a “clown” thing because that’s who Thorgy is. Damn, I’m agreeing with Milk. It gets pretty personal real quick, though, and Milk throws in a dig about Kennedy’s lewk to be real cute.
BenDeLaCreme reveals she also had Thorgy’s lipstick in her booby. When asked why, however, she completely balks.
Miss Congeniality is clever. She knows what not to say. Definitely playing a game.
Shangela thinks Thorgy could’ve done a lot more with the Stevie Nicks role. Milk disagrees and thinks the part doomed her to fail. I just agreed with Milk twice in a row. Yikes. But of course, the Big and Milky has to put her foot in her mouth for the umpteenth time this season and says she finds Thorgy’s drag “much more exciting.”
Meanwhile, Aja is getting her life on this bus, I mean couch.
The next morning, the queens reenter the werk room and Chi Chi DeVayne promptly prepares to have intercourse with Dela on the table.
The queens aren’t talking about anything very interesting, so RuPaul shows up almost immediately to announce this week’s maxi-challenge: The Bitchelor, an improv acting challenge based on The Bachelor. I am so so so down with this challenge. Especially because the bachelor in question is the dreamy guest judge Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman.
For these improv sessions, the girls are assigned personality types and date partners. Aja is with Kennedy.
The rest of the groups are as follows: Milk and delusion – I mean, Trixie Mattel, Bebe Zahara Benet and BenDeLaCreme, and Chi Chi DeVayne and Shangela.
The ladies start to brainstorm about their characters. Bebe wants to readapt her “virgin” character into an African princess who really needs to get married.
Aja decides her “needy girl” role is basically going to be Farrah Moan, and I’m already laughing about it, but Kennedy’s not buying it. I think queens doubting their partners’ choices is a recurring theme for this segment.
Milk admits she used to stalk her current boyfriend before they got together, so she’s totally good with the “psycho stalker” role.
Filming for the Bitchelor is starting and RuPaul opens the show by… hitting on Jeffrey.
Bebe Zahara Benet’s African virgin princess is up first, and she opens by scattering petals behind her and kneeling before Jeffrey as a greeting.
Dela is playing the slutty cougar with a few too many drinks and not nearly enough panties.
Trixie Mattel is playing the “fake bitch,” and she opens her act by talking shit about everyone to her friend on the phone (Katya, probably).
Milk as the stalker is very, very, very over-the-top. She takes “psycho” to a whole other level.
Aja as the needy girl looks, sounds, and acts like Farrah Moan, which is just so much shade. Michelle Visage isn’t super into it, but I think it’s fun. She even throws in a “you don’t love me.” Werk.
Kennedy Davenport is playing the party girl, and she’s gone all out. She’s wearing more padding than Nina Bo’nina Brown and her teeth are a mess. It’s amazing.
Shangela and Chi Chi DeVayne are playing the bisexual polyamorous couple, which is a fun concept and has potential for amazing chemistry. But Shangela is doing all the heavy lifting and Chi Chi’s just there to look cute, apparently.
Now that all the “contestants” have been introduced, they get to go on two-on-one dates with the hottie. We start off with the virgin princess and the cougar. Bebe Zahara Benet is playing coy, asking Jeffrey if he likes her outfit, hinting about being clean “down there.” It’s alright, but on the other side of the table, BenDeLaCreme is rubbing food all over herself and asking the bitchelor if he’s “ever taken out a catheter before.”
Trixie Mattel’s fake bitch is witty, full of really clever jokes, and nails the comedic timing. Or at least tries to, with Milk literally screaming over every single one of her lines. Trixie is NOT. HAVING IT. And it’s showing.
Aja’s playing up the slightly crazy Farrah Moan shtick, which is cute enough, but Kennedy’s party girl has turned the dial up to 100. She takes shot glasses out of her cleavage and an entire bottle of liquor from (presumably) her snatch, then takes off her wig and tries to lick Jeffrey.
As far as the polyamorous duo goes, Shangela’s got all the jokes. Joke, joke, joke. It’s a well-constructed character and she delivers her lines. Meanwhile, Chi Chi is… sucking on Jeffrey’s nipple.
Finally, the Bitchelor ends with Jeffrey giving the ceremonial eggplant to… Ru.
The next day, the queens start getting ready for this week’s runway theme: “Wigs on wigs on wigs.” It’s wig reveal-palooza! Yaaas.
Chi Chi DeVayne is having a crisis. She’s been in the bottom twice in a row and just bombed the challenge. She’s starting to feel like she doesn’t measure up.
Aja and Kennedy are discussing her spat with Milk earlier and how her feelings are hurt by Milk basically calling her drag boring. It’s really interesting seeing a queen who frequently put down other queens’ drag in season 7 be on the receiving end of that this time. But she’s right, it sucks, and Milk is not playing nice.
It’s runway time!
Ready to get snatched? ‘Cause these girls are about to snatch themselves.
BenDeLaCreme starts off simple and cute, then reveals the longest hair ever, on her head AND her skirt. Toot.
Bebe Zahara Benet is giving turquoise Asian lady realness, but she never lets go of that fancy ponytail, so I’m suspicious as to how solid it is.
Trixie Mattel comes out with a big Lady Bunny wig, then pops it and her caftan off to look like a skinny legend. And she is serving so much face it hurts.
I’ll give it to Milk, her makeup looks great, and I like the concept of pulling hair out from inside that hair cylinder thing she’s got going on. But that first wig was a goddamn choice, mawma.
In the first episode of season 9, Aja described her drag as “the streets of Tokyo meets the streets of Brooklyn.” And you know what, an entire year later, thanks to this look, I finally get it. She’s like an edgy anime girl, and it’s pretty stunning.
Kennedy’s wearing a gorgeous gown with just the right amount of padding, and the hair game is on point. Get it? Point? Nevermind.
Chi Chi’s reveal is gorge, her dress is beautiful, but most importantly, that eye makeup and the nose ring… I mean… I have no words.
Shangela’s concept is incredibly creative, and pretty stunning too. She’s a clever bitch, that’s for sure. And it’s totally worth hearing all the corn puns the judges come up with. It’s getting corny up in here…
The judges’ critiques are in. Shangela and Bebe are safe. Dela is perfect and beautiful and looks like Linda Evangelista. Trixie is told she would’ve done even better had she not been talked over.
Chi Chi breaks down on the main stage. She doesn’t feel like she’s as good as the other girls. But guest judge Constance Zimmer immediately shuts that down by telling her she’s worth it.
Kennedy and – you guessed it – BenDeLaCreme are the top two of the week, while Aja, Chi Chi, and Milk are the bottom three.
The girls get back to the werk room for their deliberations, and Trixie Mattel and BenDeLaCreme get their cocktails while making comments about wishing they could black out from drinking this day away.
Trixie is legitimately disappointed about not being in the top, and for good reason this time, as opposed to when that happened with Milk last week. Speaking of which, she throws a little dig at the Big and Milky about it.
Milk thinks she shouldn’t be in the bottom, that she did great, and that she and Trixie “had an amazing back-and-forth.”
Bebe asks the girls if they’re going to do their little one-on-one talks, and Kennedy Davenport announces she doesn’t plan to. She already knows who she wants to send home.
Chi Chi DeVayne makes a comment about her performance so far and equates it to “Turd City.” But I mean, LOOK AT HER.
Milk goes to have a chat with BenDeLaCreme and the girls on the couch IMMEDIATELY start talking shit. Bebe, Shangela, and Aja all agree Trixie would’ve been in the top instead of BenDeLaCreme had she not been dragged down by Milk.
Milk tells Dela she thought she did amazing, that there’s no reason for her to be in the bottom, that clearly the judges still want her here, and so clearly this bottom three thing is just a temporary setback for her and she knows she’ll be good.
Meanwhile, Ru and the judges are making balloon animals. Ru stops them to bring back the queens and Constance looks SO disappointed.
It’s time for the lip-sync for your legacy, and Kennedy came prepared. She’s looking stunning, and clearly preparing a reveal.
The song is “Green Light” by Lorde, which is a remarkably slow-paced tune for a lip-sync. So the girls are pulling a park and bark. Slow and dramatic. BenDeLaCreme throws in a little hairography.
For a queen who loves splits and cartwheels so much, Kennedy Davenport is completely killing the slow and dramatic thing. It’s pretty gorgeous, and so is her reveal.
Kennedy wins the lip-sync and gets to eliminate one of the bottom queens. And obviously, her pick is Milk.
Milk is obviously super bitter, and as she’s saying goodbye, Ru’s little television announcement comes on. The Big and Milky tries to figure that out while Chad Michaels and Alaska dance the Macarena behind her.
You know, I really liked Milk on season 6. I’m not sure what happened to her since, though, but she really needs to open her eyes. You can be confident about your talents without also taking it to a delusional level, or rubbing everyone around you the wrong way. I’m fairly certain this All Stars stint will have done more damage to her career than good. But hey, what’s done is done. Ain’t no point in crying over spilled…
You know what? I’ll spare you that one.
Let’s do that rundown!
BenDeLaCreme – Three for three. I take back what I said last week about Shangela not having any competition. Ms. Creme is clearly it. I just hope she isn’t building up to a complete crash-and-burn scenario. I think the best thing for her might be to lay low a bit for the next few challenges, so everyone else stops thinking of her as their biggest competition.
Bebe Zahara Benet – For a returning winner, Bebe has been remarkably middle-of-the-pack so far. She’s not standing out that much. I’d like to see a bit more of her, one way or another.
Trixie Mattel – Trixie finally stood out this week, and she was just the right amount of bitter about the challenge without coming across whiny and entitled like Milk. I’m hoping this is a sign of better things to come for her.
Aja – While she wasn’t amazing in the challenge, Aja continues to bring it on the runway week after week, which is such a surprise given her track record on season 9. I’m really proud of her. Hopefully, she doesn’t let the acting challenges continue to bring her down.
Kennedy Davenport – Kennedy sure made a comeback this week from her near-elimination in the last episode. She fucking sold that challenge performance, and she looked great too. Plus, I’m impressed at how professional she was about her spat with Milk. You know, besides eliminating her as soon as she got the chance.
Chi Chi DeVayne – There were some serious contrasts in Chi Chi’s performance this week. She sank in the challenge and was feeling all kinds of down on herself, but that runway! That runway. There’s the wealthier, more experienced Chi Chi we’ve all been waiting for.
Shangela – I think like Trixie, this queen was dragged down a bit by her scene partner this week. Shangela continues to do great week after week, though. I’m not too worried about her.
Next week is Snatch Game, ladies! Are you gooped? I’m gooped.
See y’all soon!